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The Two Towers Brings War and Trauma to Middle-earth

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Middle-earth was born in the trenches of the First World War. It was there that J.R.R. Tolkien began writing the stories that eventually became The Silmarillion, and it was there where Tolkien experienced “the loss and the silence” that informs his entire mythic cycle. Tolkien famously served in the horrific Battle of the Somme, in which 300,000 men died for six miles of broken, ruined territory. The losses in the war for Tolkien were personal. “By 1918, all but one of my close friends were dead,” he once wrote.

Despite that, Tolkien’s writings are never explicitly anti-war. After all, most of the battles he depicts are explicitly between good and evil. But like the Old English, Norse, and Germanic tales that so inspired him, Tolkien’s view of war is complex, one that both glorifies the bravery and camaraderie of warriors in battle, and ruminates on the death and loss that inevitably follows. Much as a hero’s quest, like Frodo’s, forever changes a man, so war inevitably reshapes the countries that fight in it. There’s no going back. Every war means the end of a world.

Not for nothing does Tolkien insert his own version of the Old English poem The Wanderer into The Two Towers, turning it into a lament of the Rohirrim (whose names and culture are based on the Old English):

Where now the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing?
They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow
The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow.

Peter Jackson wisely includes this poem in his adaptation of The Two Towers, in what I must say is the single best scene in the entire trilogy. On the eve of battle, Rohan’s King Théoden (a wonderful Bernard Hill) recites the poem as a servant armors him. In the background, through a door blazing with heavenly light, soldiers pass like shades— “walking shadows” as Shakespeare put it in Macbeth, another work that heavily inspired Towers (though in a different way). Interspersed are shots of Saruman’s Uruk-hai army marching to Helm’s Deep to “destroy the world of Men.” War is coming, and the lives of Men are as brief as the flicker of shadows in a doorway.

After the breaking of the Fellowship at the end of the first movie, Frodo and Sam plod towards Mordor, soon guided by the treacherous Gollum, only to wind up in the hands of Faramir’s desperate Gondorrim guerillas. Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli pursue the Uruk-hai across the plains of Rohan and are drawn, Seven Samurai-style, into that country’s internal and external conflict against Saruman. Gandalf returns from the dead with a new color and mission: to urge Théoden to meet Saruman’s armies head-on in battle. Merry and Pippin, meanwhile, escape their captors and try to rouse the tree-herding Ents to war.

While The Fellowship of the Ring is a fantasy quest, The Two Towers is a war movie. There was, of course, plenty of fighting in Fellowship, and there are plenty of fantastical elements in Towers. But Towers is a darker, grimmer movie, more concerned with what war does to people, and peoples, than its predecessor. No more dragon-shaped fireworks, no more wizards fighting fire-demons over seemingly bottomless pits, no more Elven cities in the trees. We’re in the world of Men now, in the muck of battle.

It’s even in the landscape—even before Frodo, Sam, and Gollum are ambushed by Faramir’s soldiers, they wander through the Dead Marshes, a place inspired by Tolkien’s experiences at the Somme. It’s a land literally ruined and haunted by the War of the Last Alliance shown at the beginning of the first film. That war was, of course, entirely good and just, as Elves and Men allied to defeat the Dark Lord Sauron. But even that war, with all its righteousness and victory, left behind a landscape that is still shattered and infested by wraiths millennia later. The trauma of war never fully goes away, and it still has the power to drag you down into the darkness.

It’s in the characters, too. The movie’s breakout figure is Gollum, played brilliantly by a mo-capped Andy Serkis, who more or less invented an entirely new form of acting with his performance. Serkis and the CGI team that brought Gollum to life perfectly capture the corrupted hobbit’s bewildering mix of innocence, danger, and pathos. Ralph Bakshi’s Gollum was only half-realized, and the Rankin-Bass version serves mostly as nightmare-fuel for children, but Jackson smartly sees Gollum as the key to the entire story. His big blue eyes mirror Elijah Wood’s. He’s the Dead Marshes in hobbit-form: a broken and haunted vision of the fate that awaits Frodo if he gives in to the corruption of the One Ring. And Frodo knows it. His attachment to Gollum makes perfect sense: if Gollum can be saved, and be brought back from his pathetic state, then so can Frodo. There’s still hope.

The Frodo, Sam, and Gollum trio, and their character dynamics, serves as the heart of the movie. Gollum’s a mirror of Sam, too, with his eagerness to please “Master,” which arouses both Sam’s suspicions and jealousy. Frodo and Sam are both right about Gollum, and both wrong, which makes the tension between the three work so well, from their initial fight, to “po-ta-toes,” to Gollum’s eventual turn back to villainy at the end. And it’s what makes Gollum’s arc so tragic. He really did begin to turn himself around, until his rough-handling at the hands of Faramir’s soldiers at the Forbidden Pool, and his belief that Frodo betrayed him. Not all evil comes from evil rings or dark lords: sometimes it comes from basically good people doing what they think is right, and having everything go wrong anyway.

What works less well is Jackson’s depiction of Faramir, captain of Gondor. The movie rightly sets up the reveal that Faramir is Boromir’s brother as an “oh shit” moment for Frodo, but after that it doesn’t know what to do with the character. Moving the action to Osgiliath, the war’s frontline, isn’t a bad decision—it’s a more dynamic setting and gives the Frodo storyline a better visual parallel with the stories in Rohan and Fangorn. But the resolution, with Faramir letting Frodo go after witnessing him almost hand the Ring over to the Nazgûl, makes no sense. It’s a shame, too, because in the book Faramir is the key to understanding Tolkien’s view of war. “I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend,” he tells Frodo.

The Faramir plot reveals Jackson’s weakness as a storyteller, which is that he doesn’t trust the audience to sit still for very long. You see this with the warg scene, as well, as the people of Edoras flee to Helm’s Deep and are ambushed by wolf-riding Orcs. But rather than exciting the audience, it’s a slog, because there’s no real tension. The warg attack is isolated from the train of civilians. At no point do they seem threatened. It doesn’t help that the otherwise good CGI falters a bit here, with the size of the wargs against the grassy hills never quite looking natural. Jackson clearly knows the scene doesn’t work, because rather than letting it exist on its own as a piece of the story, it ends with a cliffhanger that is the reddest of herrings. There’s no surprise or fear in Aragorn’s fall. We know he’ll be back: the third movie is titled The Return of the King. It’s all false tension.

Or take the Entmoot. We simply haven’t spent enough time with the Ents for their reluctance to fight, and Merry’s bitter rejoinder, to mean much. In the books, the Entmoot is a moving scene, where the last of an ancient and endangered species decide to march to war for the good of the world. It’s one of deliberate sacrifice. There’s a bit of that when they finally do march in the movie, mostly thanks to Howard Shore’s stirring music, but it’s undercut by how they got there. Pippin snookers Treebeard into dropping them off by Isengard, with an appeal that even Treebeard flatly says makes no sense. Somehow Pippin, not Treebeard himself, knew that Saruman had burned a patch of the forest. As with the Osgiliath scene, Jackson undercuts the tension rather than raising it, putting the characters in weird quandaries that then must be resolved quickly and somewhat absurdly. In other words: he’s hasty.

And yet, all that being said, Jackson is still a great director of immense talent, and I present as evidence: The Battle of Helm’s Deep. What in the books is a fairly brief skirmish is transformed into a landmark of cinema. Battle scenes have been part of movies since the earliest days, but even after a century of these epic moments, you can’t make a list of greatest battle scenes and not include Helm’s Deep. It’s the measurement against which all medieval and fantasy battles, especially sieges, must be judged. Game of Thrones explicitly used it as their model for the Battle of Winterfell in the final season.

There’s the Wanderer scene as set-up. Gandalf’s sunlit, nearly vertical cavalry charge down the hill at the end. And at the beginning, the almost unbearable build-up of tension with the rhythm of the rain falling, clanking against metal armor, lightning flashes, and the Uruk-hai roaring and stamping their spears—tension cut in a moment that is somehow both hilarious and dreadful, as a Rohirric soldier accidentally releases an arrow too early and fells an Uruk. Then come the ladders, the Uruks clinging like spiders as they scale the walls. And the Olympic Torch Orc, running into the Deeping Wall’s small culvert to blast the wall, and himself, to kingdom come, with Saruman’s gunpowder bomb. There in a single apocalyptic moment is Tolkien’s worldview—the old world is passing away, like rain on the mountain. Even a wizard must use industrial science to wage war in this new era. What chance does Magic stand against the Machine?

That’s a question Tolkien himself probably asked, in some way or another, in the trenches. His answer, it seems, lay in his imagination, conjuring a magical world of Elves and dragons in order to both escape, and to understand, the death and destruction around him. Jackson reflects this in Sam’s monologue in Osgiliath about “the stories that really matter,” which he juxtaposes with scenes of fighting at Helm’s Deep, and the Ents’ assault on Isengard.

The movie then ends somewhat abruptly, which makes the warg attack and Osgiliath errand all the more frustrating since that time could have been spent on wrapping up the Saruman storyline (which is given especially short and unsatisfying shrift in the theatrical version). Instead, we get Gandalf and company mounting the softest lit hill in all of Middle-earth, and somehow glimpsing the mountains of Mordor in the distance. And while I don’t mind Shelob being pushed to the third film, her absence means Frodo and Sam are more or less where we left them at the end of the first movie, still plodding towards the Land of Shadow, happy to be in each other’s company.

But despite the missteps in adaptation, The Two Towers is probably Jackson’s strongest Middle-earth movie. It revolutionized cinema with Serkis’ mo-capped Gollum and the Battle of Helm’s Deep, and powerfully brought Tolkien’s themes to the forefront. It’s a modern depiction of war and loss that even a Rider of the Mark, or an Old English bard, could appreciate.

Austin Gilkeson has written for Tin House, McSweeney’s, Vulture, Foreign Policy, The Toast, and other publications. He lives just outside Chicago with his wife and son.


The Return of the King Crowned a New Ruler in Hollywood

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The Lord of the Rings television TV adaptation Amazon Studios J.R.R. Tolkien

The Academy Awards were established in 1929; in the almost-century since, only three films have won 11 Oscars: Ben-Hur (1959), Titanic (1997), and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003). Despite their vast differences in plot and setting, the three have a lot in common: all are epics, set in the past (in Return of the King’s case, an imaginary one), and brimming with special effects-laden spectacle. They are, in other words, the exact sort of movies one thinks of when one thinks of the word “Hollywood.” Return of the King was made mostly by Kiwis, filmed entirely in New Zealand, and based on the book of a South African-born British author whose stated goal was creating “a mythology of England,” but it’s also the epitome of American filmmaking: big, brash, and perfect for popcorn.

That an SFX-heavy epic won so many Oscars isn’t surprising; that a high fantasy film did is. Or at least, it would have been surprising only a few years before. Jackson’s films changed the equation.

Throughout these reviews, I’ve tried to chart how Tolkien’s books have moved within and influenced the larger cultural landscape based on their film versions, from classic children’s stories to countercultural touchstones to cultural behemoths with the same box office power and household name recognition of Star Wars and the Marvel Cinematic Universe (both of which were influenced by Tolkien, of course). The Return of the King, especially in light of that historic Oscar haul, marks the true enthronement of SFF movies as the reigning champions of the box office and the wider culture. Fantasy films were no longer just popular; now they had prestige, too. The Golden Age of the Geek had officially dawned, and as of yet, it shows no signs of waning. We’re at the high tide now; Númenor before the fall.

It’s ironic, then, that despite all that Oscar gold, Return of the King is probably the weakest of the three Lord of the Rings films—though it’s still far, far better than most other fantasy movies. It has some of the best moments in the trilogy, like the lighting of the beacons, the charge of the Rohirrim, the Mouth of Sauron, and Denethor aggressively eating tomatoes as Pippin sings a song of requiem, but it necessarily lacks the singular plot of Fellowship or the thematic heft of Two Towers. This is less a criticism than a simple observation. Return of the King is still an incredible film, and it’s frankly hard to imagine anyone producing a better version (Rankin-Bass certainly did not). Other filmmakers might have done better by Denethor and Saruman, and might have included the Scouring of the Shire, but they’d likely have whiffed on other aspects. Return of the King is a brilliant, beautiful movie, and a fitting end for the trilogy. It’s great—it’s just not as great as its two predecessors.

The movie follows Frodo, Sam, and Gollum as they continue their trek into Mordor, past the armies of Minas Morgul, Shelob’s lair, a towerful of quarreling Orcs, and then the barren plains of the Land of Shadows. Gandalf and Company quickly finish up their business with Saruman, then turn their attention to Gondor, where Sauron is launching his attack to take control of Middle-earth. By and large, Jackson sticks to the book (other than moving Shelob and the palantír over from Two Towers), with a few minor changes here and there. But the big changes are especially big, particularly the characterization of Denethor and the cutting of the story’s secondary climax, the Scouring of the Shire, where the hobbits are roused to fight against Saruman and his band of ruffians, who have taken over their homeland.

The lack of the Scouring is probably the most controversial aspect of the film, since that plot point is so key to Tolkien’s vision. War always comes home. “This is Mordor,” Frodo says in the book, surveying the wreckage that Saruman has made of Bag-End. It’s also the part of the book that’s the most radical in its vision, with Frodo pointedly refusing to wield or even wear a weapon. Gandalf gets the Christ-like sacrifice and resurrection, but it’s Frodo who most clearly adopts Christ’s ethics, refusing all violence, and showing pity and mercy even to those who least deserve it, like Saruman and Wormtongue. Similarly, Frodo’s lingering shellshock from the wounds inflicted on him by the Witch-king and Shelob, which in the book leaves him desperate and bed-ridden, is in the film reduced to minor shoulder discomfort.

Jackson’s decision to skip the Scouring (as Rankin-Bass also did) is understandable from a filmmaking perspective. It’s a secondary climax, and while books can be put down and picked up again, a movie is made to be sat through in a theater. People complained enough about the movie’s “multiple endings” to begin with: imagine if the Scouring had been included. But, as with Jackson’s handling of Faramir in Two Towers, it’s also a pity to have it so, since we lose so much of the thematic weight that makes Lord of the Rings what it is.

Faramir, for his part, fares far better in this movie than in Two Towers. He’s not in it for long, but his grief and pain when being sent to his likely death by his father is heartrending. Denethor, on the other hand, lacks the gravitas of his book counterpart, more or less going straight to deranged from the get-go. Book Denethor is one of Tolkien’s most fascinating characters. He seems more like a character from The Silmarillion, with his sharp intelligence, power, and arrogance contrasted with Gandalf’s irritable mercy and wisdom and Aragorn’s backwoods nobility. But the true character Denethor is set against is Frodo. Denethor is Tolkien’s greatest study in despair, and how it can lead to folly. Denethor, like Gollum, serves as a mirror for what Frodo might become if he gives into temptation. Both Denethor and Frodo reach the end of their journeys in the fire, when both have finally surrendered to Sauron’s will, but while Denethor falls, Frodo is lifted up, first by Sam and then by the Eagles, because Frodo’s journey was one of self-sacrifice while Denethor’s was one of self-abnegation.

Much as I don’t care for Jackon’s depiction of Denethor, I’m less hard on it than I am on Faramir’s portrayal in the previous movie, since (as with cutting the Scouring) it seems a necessary cinematic choice. The film simply doesn’t have time to ruminate on war room scenes with Denethor, Faramir, and Gandalf like the book does. Also, the scene of Denethor hungrily and grossly eating chicken and tomatoes, as Pippin sings and Faramir rides to his doom, is a brilliant bit of character work, and one of the most viscerally upsetting depictions of lunch ever put on film. That Pippin “What About Second Breakfast?” Took is present tells us so much. Unlike the hobbits, Denethor takes no pleasure in eating. He eats like a lean wolf, tearing at scraps for simple survival. No wonder he gives in to despair, and even sends his own son to die: He’s not a bad man, but he’s allowed grief and bitterness to put out the flame imperishable within his heart. There’s no joy in the world left to him, only grim duty, and that leads him, inevitably, step by step, to the pyre.

Even though some of Jackson’s choices don’t work, Return of the King also shows him at his most innovative in adapting the book. There’s the lunch scene, of course. And the lighting of the beacons, a minor detail in the book, is here depicted with sweeping grandeur. It’s not just the gorgeous helicopter shots of flames bursting atop snow-capped mountain peaks and Howard Shore’s score going so hard even Denethor would get goosebumps, it’s what it signifies: a nation reaching out for help from its allies. That Movie Denethor doesn’t wish to light them is a change from the book, and one that plot-wise doesn’t make much sense, but it’s one that works visually and thematically: the pyre he lights for himself and Faramir at the end becomes a sort of twisted mirror of the beacons, an act of nihilism in contrast to the hope the beacons represent. And it fits Tolkien’s overarching mythology, where fire is the spirit of creation, one that can be used for good or evil (see, for example, Gandalf, wielder of the secret fire, battling the fire-demon Balrog). There’s something especially obscene about Denethor using fire to burn himself as his city is under siege.

The Mouth of Sauron (seen only in the extended edition) similarly alters the book, but in a way that conveys Tolkien’s vision even more strongly. In the book, the Mouth is a mortal man, a Black Númenorean, who has risen high in Sauron’s service and become his emissary, at the cost of having forgotten his own name. Jackson’s Mouth is caged by a towering, heavy helmet. His eyes and ears are covered and only his mouth, cracked and hideous, shows through the sharp iron plates. His movements are jerky, his voice uncanny. He’s a meat puppet, in other words, a man broken and stripped of everything except the one thing the Dark Lord needs of him: his mouth (to make the point even clearer, Jackson largely films the Mouth’s mouth in close-up, because that’s the only part of him that matters).

The Mouth of Sauron is a mirror, too, but one like Frodo’s vision of the Scouring in Galadriel’s basin. He’s what Sauron’s brand of power does: in seeking total control over someone or something, in bending it to his will, he breaks it. The Mouth is Mordor made flesh, what Middle-earth and its denizens will become if Sauron regains the Ring. In a movie with giant spiders and war-elephants, ghost armies and Ringwraiths riding pterodactyls, the Mouth of Sauron is by far the most terrifying creature encountered.

Jackson also does right by the story’s biggest moments. He rightly understands that nobody is going to be fooled by “Dernhelm,” but Éowyn’s gender reveal party on the field of the Pelannor is thrilling nonetheless. Does it play out exactly as it does in the books? No. At no point does Éowyn say the wonderful Old English word “dwimmerlaik.” Is it a little cheesy? Maybe, but a big epic blockbuster needs a little cheese every now and then, and the emotional heft of Éowyn’s journey, conveyed by Miranda Otto’s fierce performance, makes it work. I clapped the first time I saw it. I still want to clap every time I see it. Like many other scenes, it’s a useful microcosm of Jackon’s approach to the text, the way it honors Tolkien’s story while translating it into a movie with the language of blockbuster cinema.

That same artful translation comes at the climax, as well, when Jackson cuts between the Battle at the Black Gates and Frodo’s struggle with Gollum at the Crack of Doom. Even after Gollum regains his Precious and falls into the lava, the Ring lingers, floating atop the molten rock, as an armored troll bears down on Aragorn. It’s a terrifically tense scene, Shore’s music turning into a pounding thud like a heartbeat. And it also features my favorite of all Jackson’s cinematic innovations: it’s not Gollum’s fall into the lava that destroys the Ring and Sauron, but Frodo reaching out to Sam to pull him back up. Only then does the Ring melt. Jackson robs Frodo of agency in some parts of the trilogy (during the attack on Weathertop, for example), but here he gives it—in this climactic moment, everything depends on the actions of his exhausted, struggling protagonist, and it’s a moment of profound power. Frodo actively chooses not to give into despair, not to follow Gollum, Sauron’s spirit, and Denethor into the fire. He rises, as the others fall, not by his own strength, but with the help of his friend and companion.

Frodo’s salvation from the fires of Mount Doom is the first of the movie’s many “endings.” It’s become something of a joke, but I love every ending Jackson puts in here, and none feel superfluous. “You bow to no one,” “The Shire has been saved, but not for me,” the silent moment in the Green Dragon when the four hobbits realize no one around them will ever understand what they went through, and then Samwise gets up and goes to flirt with Rosie Cotton. And, of course, “Well, I’m back.” Will I ever not get teary-eyed at that final shot of Samwise’s round, yellow door? Probably not. Even without the Scouring, Jackson deftly and appropriately brings a close not just to one three-hour Hollywood epic, but three.

Throughout these reviews, I’ve imagined the movies being watched by a Star Wars and Tolkien fan named Elanor, who as a little girl saw The Hobbit movie on TV and had little idea she was witnessing a vision of pop culture’s thoroughly nerdy future. As little Elanor grew up into a Dungeons and Dragons-loving teen and then adult, she could not imagine that one day a Tolkien adaptation would tie Charlton Heston’s Biblical epic for the most ever Oscars. What a day of vindication and triumph for our Elanor when Hollywood crowned Return of the King as Best Picture! It was a crowning every bit as grand as Aragorn’s. A new age had begun.

But as Frodo tells Samwise, the story goes on, even after the happy ending. Jackson’s film trilogy utterly reshaped the Hollywood landscape, for good and for ill. Next time, we’ll look at Jackson’s The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, a long-expected and much-anticipated film that is a byproduct, and a victim, of its predecessors’ spectacular success. After all, to invert Tolkien’s phrase, not all that glitters is gold.

Austin Gilkeson has written for Tin HouseMcSweeney’sVultureForeign PolicyThe Toast, and other publications. He lives just outside Chicago with his wife and son.

The Cast of Ted Lasso Would Not Simply Walk Into Mordor

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Ted Lasso season 2, Ted, Beard and Nate sitting on a bench

One amusing way to while away the hours, if you are person who follows a lot of TV and movies, is to imagine transposing the cast of one entertainment property to another. For example, one might imagine the drama babies from The Vampire Diaries as X-Men (Caroline is Kitty Pryde, Stefan Salvatore is Cyclops, sorry, I don’t make the rules), or the spacaefaring cast of The Expanse in Star Wars (tell me a young Steven Strait wouldn’t have been a good young whiny Luke Skywalker, I dare you).

On Twitter, author A.R. Moxon took this game to its perhaps inevitable end, lining up the characters from the beloved serues Ted Lasso with characters from The Lord of the Rings. Some of these choices, though, may surprise you.

I’m trying to imagine this Aragorn doing the opening-the-doors scene in The Two Towers and I’m just not sure it would left quite as much of an impression on us. But perhaps I underestimate him.

Saruman really is a blight on the environment.

This is a very different Sam and Frodo, but at least one of them has a nice practical backpack.

Eowyn is going to kick your ass at anything; Tom Bombadil is … Bombadilling.

Amazon’s The Lord of the Rings, with its very sprawling and very different cast, debuts next year. You can watch Ted Lasso on Apple TV+ whenever you feel like.

Actually, Théoden Has the Best Dialogue in The Lord of the Rings

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When you think of The Lord of the Rings, what comes to mind first? For me, it’s always been the people.

Tolkien’s series abounds with meaningful and memorable characters, one of the many features that have captured readers’ hearts over generations. Really, beyond the journey and the battles and the magic, it’s a story about people—the bonds they share, the losses they suffer, and the lengths to which they’ll go to fight for what they believe.

In the early 2000’s, when Peter Jackson adapted the books for the silver screen, that story reached a whole new audience. Including pre-teen me—I watched The Fellowship of the Ring at my brother’s prompting, stole the untouched books off his shelf and devoured them, and counted down the days until the second and third films were released. (The trailer for The Return of the King remains one of the best movie trailers of all time, and I absolutely will not entertain thoughts to the contrary.)

Between Samwise’s loyalty, Aragorn’s wisdom, and Gandalf’s sharp tongue, it would be easy to believe one of the main characters has the best lines of dialogue in Peter Jackson’s cinematic trilogy, right?

Wrong.

[King Théoden has entered the chat.]

The King of Rohan. Lord of the Riddermark. (Puppet of Saruman that one time he was vaguely possessed, but we don’t need to dwell on that.) In which other character will one find the perfect combination of inspirational regal stoicism and total dad energy?

No other.

He could have given into despair and let his people feed off his pessimism instead of standing tall in the face of evil. He didn’t. He could have left another to lead the charge into battle, could have bowed to the might of the Two Towers without a fight. He did not. When the beacons were lit, he bloody well answered, didn’t he?

Now, credit where credit is due—the words themselves are fantastic, but Bernard Hill is the one who brings them to life. His intonation, his facial expressions—good lord, that man commits, and it is awesome. Yes, I love when Gandalf talks about making the most of the time given to us, and of course, my heart lifts near to bursting when the music swells and Samwise tells Frodo, “I can carry you.” But when all is said and done, Théoden’s scenes in the films have an overwhelming tendency to make my throat pinch tight with emotion and my fist fly into the air.

So that we may all see the light, I’ve compiled my list of Théoden’s top five moments in the movie trilogy. I recommend watching the films as soon as possible to get the lines’ full impact—complete with music, costumes, thundering hooves, the whole works. (Extended editions only, of course.)

All hail, Théoden King.

Théoden: So much death. What can men do against such reckless hate?

Aragorn: Ride out with me. Ride out and meet it.

Sweeping in toward the end of the Battle of Helm’s Deep, this is one of those brilliant sets of lines which transcend time and place; they are just as applicable in a secondary fantasy world as in the real one, hundreds of years ago or today. In the face of hatred, ignorance, and cruelty, what can any of us do but ride out and meet it? Soon enough, Théoden embraces Aragorn’s advice in the most epic way:

Théoden: The horn of Helm Hammerhand shall sound in the deep one last time. Let this be the hour when we draw swords together. Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath, now for ruin, and the red dawn. Forth Èorlingas!

I mean. COME ON. If you are able to reach the end of this rallying cry and not shout Forth Èorlingas! alongside Théoden while pumping your fist in the air, I am sorry to say you possess a heart of stone. These lines and the scene that follows take my breath away every time.

Théoden: They will break upon this fortress like water upon rock… Crops can be resewn, homes rebuilt. Within these walls, we will outlast them.

Aragorn: They do not come to destroy Rohan’s crops or villages, they come to destroy its people—down to the last child.

Théoden: What would you have me do? Look at my men. Their courage hangs by a thread. If this is to be our end, then I would have them make such an end as to be worthy of remembrance.

Before leaving Helm’s Deep, I would be remiss if I did not include this exchange. I love, I love, how Théoden turns this moment on its head. Here we are, accustomed to taking Aragorn’s side and expecting him to be in the right. And yet—in this, he misjudges Théoden. Théoden is no fool, not falsely optimistic or naïve. He is providing the show of strength his people need, choosing to offer a shred of morale instead of despair, even when so little hope remains. It’s a beautiful example of leadership at its best.

Théoden: Take up my seat in the Golden Hall. Long may you defend Edoras if the battle goes ill.

Éowyn: What other duty would you have me do, my lord?

Théoden: Duty? No. I would have you smile again, not grieve for those whose time has come. You shall live to see these days renewed. No more despair.

In my opinion, this is one of Théoden’s most moving scenes in the films. It’s dawn before the Battle of the Pelennor Fields. The sun has just begun to rise, the sky aglow, much as it was the morning Théoden rode out from Helm’s Deep. Here, once more, Théoden stands on the edge of battle, and once more, he does not expect to return.
There’s something beautiful about the quietness of this scene. That amidst the burden of leadership, the current circumstances’ smothering tension, and the near certainty of death to come, he takes time to speak to his niece—not as a king to his heir, but as family. Théoden is so wonderfully human, and this scene showcases that dimension in a new and memorable way.

Aragorn: Gondor calls for aid.

Théoden: And Rohan will answer.

What a brilliantly simple pair of lines to follow the beacons being lit. Not only do they pack a huge punch, eight little words to end a sweeping cinematic sequence spanning grand landscapes and dramatic orchestration, but also—they encompass one of the series’ important questions. Will you follow another’s poor example and sink into past hurts, or will you rise and do better?

Arise, arise, riders of Théoden! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered! A sword day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride for ruin and the world’s ending! Death! Death! Death! Forth Èorlingas!

Oh, Théoden. How do you manage to give the most amazing rallying speeches before leading your people into battle? (Yes, I cry for, “It is not this day,” I’m not a heathen—but that is for a separate list, another day.) The Battle of the Pelennor Fields has begun. Théoden is shouting at the top of his lungs, cantering Snowmane down the line and scraping his sword across dozens of spears. You know that incredibly moving moment in the book, when a rooster crows in Minas Tirith just as all seems lost, because morning has come regardless? Rohan’s horns call back, and we’re reminded that hope still remains. For me, this speech and the charge it spurs come close to matching that image’s power. It’s simply perfection.

Elayne Audrey Becker (she/her) is a storyteller with a passion for history, myth, mountains, and magic. She holds a B.A. from Vassar College and a master of science from the University of Aberdeen, and she has worked as an editor at a New York publisher. Born and raised in Georgia, she grew up with a lake and woods as her backyard, spending long days outside and visiting national parks with her family. Forestborn is her first book.

The Desolation of Smaug Soars to New Highs and Plummets to New Lows

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A long, long time ago, in a quiet little room somewhere in the medieval quadrangle of an Oxford college, a professor named J.R.R. Tolkien found a blank page in a pile of examination papers and idly scribbled the words, “In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.” Tolkien likely did not know that the sentence he wrote would become one of the most famous opening lines in English literature, and one of the most influential. This story began very modestly and quietly, after all, but it has continued with us ever since, for nearly a century now, reshaping children’s and fantasy literature, then role-playing games, movies, and global pop culture. The Hobbit wasn’t the first Middle-earth story Tolkien wrote, but it was the first one published, and the one that made everything else possible.

Rereading The Hobbit, it’s easy to see why it was such a success. It’s told with a wry voice, great charm and wit, and is wonderfully imaginative. Bilbo Baggins is one of children’s literature’s great heroes, despite being a fussy, wealthy, middle-aged man. What he lacks in childlike years he makes up for in childlike size, and the book aptly portrays the childlike wonder and fear of finding oneself thrust out into a bigger world, whether one likes it or not.

At the heart of the book is Bilbo’s encounter with Smaug the dragon. It’s a scene that consciously echoes Beowulf’s fight with the wyrm, and Sigurd’s deadly duel with the dragon Fafnir (not to mention Tolkien’s own story of Túrin and Glaurung). But unlike those other protagonists, Bilbo is no warrior. He’s barely even the burglar he was hired to be. As Tolkien writes, going down alone into the darkness to face Smaug is the bravest thing Bilbo ever does. Smaug, after all, isn’t just a fire-breathing monster, he’s also highly intelligent and can mesmerize with his eyes, and manipulate people with his words. Smaug’s deadliest weapon is his tongue, and Bilbo has to use all his wits not to get tripped up by his own, and thus found out.

Bilbo’s conversation with Smaug perfectly captures the great vulnerability of a child in an adult’s world. Children know how to use speech to trick people, hurt feelings, and get what they want, but adults are far more skilled at weaponizing it, turning it into a sleight-of-hand to extract information, manipulate, threaten violence, and dominate. All this Smaug has honed to an art. Bilbo escapes, but only just, and reveals to Smaug more than he intended, with disastrous consequences.

The Desolation of Smaug, the second of Jackson’s three Hobbit movies, captures this scene perfectly. It’s incredibly tense, as Martin Freeman’s Bilbo tries to sneak around—physically and verbally—Benedict Cumberbatch’s great red-gold dragon in his Scrooge McDuck-style hoard of treasure. Freeman and Cumberbatch have great chemistry from their days as Watson and Sherlock, and it pays off beautifully here, even with Cumberbatch on screen as a giant CGI lizard. That CGI is amazing, by the way. The Weta Workshop never misses, and their Smaug is gloriously realized. His red skin with cooled-lava-like streaks of black, his reptilian but cunning face, his vast and terrifying size: it’s fantastic. I’m a fan of Rankin-Bass’s feline Smaug, but Jackson’s dragon matches the monster I always had in my head when reading the book. One of the pleasures of a cinematic adaptation is seeing a book “come to life,” and while the Hobbit trilogy often falls short on that count, here it soars.

The Desolation of Smaug is the most mixed bag of the entire trilogy, containing some of its best scenes, performances, and design work, but also some of its worst adaptation choices. It suffers the middle-movie syndrome of not having any distinct identity or narrative throughline of its own. Jackson solved that issue in The Two Towers by threading it with the themes of war and trauma, but while Smaug has better individual scenes and performances than An Unexpected Journey, it lacks the narrative cohesion and character arcs of its predecessor.

The flaws are apparent from the get-go. After a flashback showing Gandalf’s fateful meeting with Thorin in Bree, we get the Dwarf company on the run from Azog again, and seeking refuge in Beorn’s house. The Beorn scene in the book is delightful, as Gandalf cunningly gets around the were-bear’s gruff suspicions by telling a rambling story and slowly revealing the Dwarves two-by-two. It’s a wonderful fairytale moment that introduces both Beorn’s nature (essentially good, but easily angered and dangerous) and highlights Gandalf’s considerable wit. Gandalf, like Smaug (and Saruman for that matter), is a master of the magic of language. He can light fires and fireworks with spells, but his true purpose in Middle-earth is stoking hope and courage in the hearts of its peoples, and he does this mostly with words of wisdom, comfort, and counsel. The movie, however, drops all of this and instead has Beorn in bear-form chase the company into his house, which the Dwarves barricade against him. When he shows up later, back in man-form, he’s apparently fine with all this. Again and again, the movie makes the mistake of thinking the only way to create conflict and tension is through a fight scene or a chase.

After their pointless sojourn in Beorn’s house, Gandalf goes to investigate the tombs of the Ringwraiths, and Bilbo and the Dwarves head into Mirkwood. Despite his horror background, Jackson drops all pretense of horror here. The endless, pitch-black, poisonous, eye-filled forest of Tolkien’s book is replaced by a small set that Bilbo and company wander around drunkenly for a few minutes before being attacked by spiders.

The spiders, at least, are wonderfully creepy, and the deep command of Tolkien’s mythology that Jackson showed in the Rings movies shines through here, as it’s the One Ring that allows Bilbo to understand the spiders’ terrible speech, a neat way of keeping a kidlit aspect of the book (giant talking spiders) while linking it to the larger narrative and history (the long, complicated relationship between Dark Lords and giant spiders). If only the rest of the story had been this clever.

The Dwarves are rescued and taken captive by the Wood-elves, led by Orlando Bloom’s Legolas, who isn’t in the book, but whose presence makes sense (this is his home, after all). This leads us to the film’s other high point besides Smaug, which is Lee Pace’s grandiose Thranduil. Pace’s towering stature and deep voice are perfect for the Elvenking, and he gives Thranduil an outsized nobility and haughtiness that befits an immortal woodland elf-lord. He feels like a Faerie-King of old, both ethereal and razor-sharp, which is exactly as he should be. It’s also a very fun performance; Pace is clearly having the time of his life, and it shows. When he’s on screen, the film is as mesmerizing as Smaug’s eyes.

Also introduced here is Evangeline Lilly’s Silvan elf Tauriel. Alas, poor Tauriel. The Hobbit is, it bears saying, bereft of women. Tauriel is Jackson’s attempt to amend that lack, and her original character arc, whose ghost still shines through at times, would have done it well. Tolkien’s books are stuffed with Elves, but even in The Silmarillion, most of the Quendi we meet are aristocrats. Having a new key character be a commoner-elf, and a woman, is a smart move. Tauriel seems to have been written to play a role similar to Quickbeam among the Ents, the relative youngster who chides their elders to take a more active role in the world, and Lilly is great when that’s the character she’s allowed to play.

But somewhere along the line, the character was changed and her story becomes almost entirely about her love triangle with Legolas and Aidan Turner’s Kili, who is costumed to look remarkably similar to Aragorn, to remind us all of how much we liked the Aragorn-Arwen romance. But Lilly and Turner have little chemistry, and it doesn’t help that their first interactions happen when she is literally his jailer. The entire venture is a profound miscalculation, and it’s especially disappointing because Tauriel could have been such a wonderful addition to Middle-earth. Instead, she’s reduced to being the Mr. Pibb to Arwen’s Dr. Pepper.

Bilbo rescues the Dwarves from Thranduil’s dungeons by stuffing them into barrels and then sending them floating down a river. Of course, this is also mutated into a chase/fight scene as the Elves and Orcs both descend on the bobbing Dwarves. Many people have said this scene plays like something out of a video game, but it looks more like a theme park ride to me, and it’s just as thrilling as watching a video of other people riding a theme park ride (i.e., not at all).

The Dwarves and Bilbo are rescued by Luke Evans’s Bard, who takes them by boat to Lake-town. Here again Weta shines, turning Lake-town into a crowded, labyrinthine Norse Venice (the architecture is a nice nod to Tolkien’s conceit of the Lakemen’s dialect of the Common Tongue being analogous to Scandinavian languages, in the same way the Rohirrim’s language is to Old English).

Bard shelters the Dwarves in his home, but becomes alarmed when he discovers who Thorin is and what his intentions are. Bard believes that Thorin’s quest will result in Smaug destroying Lake-town and argues vehemently against it. He cites an old prophecy that the return of the King of the Mountain will cause “the lake to shine and burn.” It’s worth taking a moment here to refer to the book, where that prophecy is repeated word for word, but means the lake will shine and burn with gold—not dragon fire. It’s a happy prophecy, and one all the Lakemen (not just Stephen Fry’s greedy Master) embrace because they believe the King Under the Mountain will bring renewed prosperity.

Jackson positions Bard as a brave truth-teller and Thorin as motivated by reckless arrogance and greed, and the film largely frames Bard as right. After all, Smaug does fly down and burn Lake-town to the ground (er, water) and the third movie shows the aftermath with a desperate, crying woman running into the Lake screaming, “My baby! Where is my baby?!” But the movie seems to have forgotten its own opening scene and the fact that this quest is, you know, explicitly planned and blessed by Gandalf, aka Olórin, aka the Wisest of the Maiar. The appendices of The Lord of the Rings go even further, in fact, with Gandalf heavily implying that his meeting with Thorin, and thus the Quest of Erebor, was divinely inspired, likely by the chief Vala Manwë, and possibly even by Eru (God) Himself. Bard is thus railing against heaven’s own will.

It’s not that good characters can’t be at cross-purposes, or fail to grasp the potential catastrophic results of their plans. But the movie’s framing means Gandalf is heavily responsible for the destruction of Lake-town and the deaths of hundreds or even thousands of people, and that unlike Bard, he either was too foolish to see it, or was willing to gamble it—neither of which matches the character of Gandalf that we know. Jackson’s desire to ramp up conflict leads to a strange and frankly careless bit of character assassination.

Of course, Smaug burns Lake-town in the book, as well, but this is an event nobody anticipates. No one in Esgaroth objects to Thorin’s venture, and most assume that if Smaug is still around, he’ll kill the Dwarves and that will be that. The possibility of Smaug attacking Lake-town isn’t mentioned. The X-factor is that dangerous conversation between the wyrm and Bilbo, where the hobbit accidentally reveals that he’s come by way of Lake-town. That’s what sets Smaug off to Esgaroth. But Bilbo is also the one to spot Smaug’s weak point, a fact he conveys to a thrush, who then whispers it to Bard, who then takes down the dragon. Book-Bilbo may inadvertently send Smaug to Lake-town, but he’s also the one who provides the “inside information” necessary to take down the dragon. Movie-Bilbo provides no such intel and ends the movie gravely wondering, “What have we (‘we’ here including Gandalf and maybe God Himself) done?”

Gandalf isn’t around to defend his schemes since he’s taken captive by the Necromancer, who turns out, to the surprise of no one, to be Sauron. I haven’t even mentioned the side plots with Azog and his son Bolg, and Bolg’s night raid on Lake-town, or Kili’s poisoning, or Lake-town’s off-brand Wormtongue, because this movie is stuffed with incident and yet devoid of significance. Did I mention that Thranduil magically reveals to Thorin that half his face is burned off? No? Well, I forgot, just as the filmmakers did, because it never comes up again.

Smaug, more than any other of his six Middle-earth movies, puts all of Peter Jackson’s strengths and weaknesses as a filmmaker on full display. The creature, set, and costume designs are top notch, the cast is stellar, and certain adaptation choices reveal a deep understanding of Tolkien’s world and themes. But the inflated run time, the endless need to turn every interaction into character conflict, a chase, or both, combined with tired attempts to recreate the successful bits of the Rings movies, ultimately sends the movie down dimmer paths than even Bilbo would dare to tread. You can’t blame Jackson and the studio for wanting to rake in more money, but they of all people should have known that sometimes there’s a dragon under all that gold, and it’s just waiting to wake up and lead you astray.

Austin Gilkeson has written for Tin HouseMcSweeney’sVultureForeign PolicyThe Toast, and other publications. He lives just outside Chicago with his wife and son.

Five Unlikely SFF Friendships That Bring Me Joy

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The SFF genre has no shortage of stock friendships and familiar pairings. They can be magical and memorable: Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Frodo and Sam. Locke and Jean. There’s a certain wonder that comes with fantastic friendships in fiction, where like-minded companions support each other through good times and bad.

But there are also plenty of deep, intriguing friendships that stem from unlikely meetings and unexpected bonds, when authors explore the kind of connections that can sometimes take us by surprise. These groupings result in some of the genre’s most unique and touching stories, showing us how genuine camaraderie can spring up between unexpected allies in completely unforeseen circumstances.

Tee up Randy Newman’s “You’ve Got A Friend In Me” and enjoy these five unlikely SFF friendships…

 

Geralt & Jaskier: The Witcher

What a pair. In any other series, you might find a jovial bard aghast at the horrific actions of his stoic, sword-wielding counterpart. In Andrzej Sapkowski’s Witcher saga, the script flips. Geralt saunters into town to find his debaucherous bard friend engaged in dubious behavior (often involving young maidens or married women).

But there’s an extra layer of whimsy to this bromance: Jaskier provides the single clearest window into Geralt’s lingering humanity. In a world where Witchers are viewed as emotionless killers, Jaskier shows us the exact opposite. When Jaskier latches onto Geralt, gallivanting into treacherous encounters with reckless abandon, there’s a certain ease to their interactions. For Geralt, Jaskier’s presence can be uplifting, as though the Witcher craves human connection even when society has told him he should be unrelentingly grim and solitary. That acceptance feeds into the overarching themes of The Witcher saga, in which the monsters Geralt hunts are almost never as evil as the people who hire him to dispose of the beasts.

Jaskier and Geralt began their peculiar friendship by being thrown together by circumstance…at first. But readers soon learn to expect and anticipate Jaskier’s appearance in myriad Witcher stories. The charming odd couple may be the best pairing of the entire series because we see Geralt at his best when he’s with the famed bard. He lets his hair down and even utters a few exhales that could be interpreted as guffaws in Witcher-speak. Together, Geralt and Jaskier represent one of fantasy’s most delightful pairings.

 

Vin & TenSoon: Mistborn Era One

Vin punched the daylight out of a hound, and the rest was history. Brandon Sanderson has a knack for writing unlikely relationships, but this one takes the cake. Vin’s tumultuous friendship with TenSoon draws out a treasure trove of juicy storytelling and lore. It fills out the worldbuilding of the initial Mistborn trilogy by giving us a glimpse into the culture of the Kandra.

TenSoon’s relationship with Vin is fraught for many spoilerific reasons, which I’ll avoid here. But the broad strokes are painted with questions of trust and faith. What begins as a relationship of necessity soon evolves into a special, but tenuous, friendship unparalleled in the SFF genre.

My favorite facet of the Vin-TenSoon dynamic is the power struggle between them. Understandably skeptical of TenSoon, Vin will often launch into Allomancy-fueled flights over Luthadel in pursuit of her many investigations and goals. TenSoon, powerful in his own right, struggles to keep up with her in his hound form. Their growth as a pair, then, stems from an ongoing exercise in earning the other’s trust. The more TenSoon learns about Vin’s objectives, the better he can keep up. The more he keeps on her toes, the more she respects him. They grow together. And although plenty of wrenches will be thrown into the gears of their relationship, it’s fun to watch straight through the epic conclusion of The Hero of Ages.

 

Exorcist & Demon: Prosper’s Demon

Prosper’s Demon packs a 100-page hellish punch. Over its short page count, K.J. Parker’s novella introduces us to a nameless protagonist who takes a sick pride in his job, though it brings him no joy: The exorcist removes demons from possessed humans, often damaging both beings in the process.

It’s all macabre fun, but the coup de grâce comes in the form of the eponymous Prosper’s possessing force. Prosper is a magnate, an artist—an early influencer, if you will. His work is respected, lauded, desired by the populace. And it’s all the product of the demon possessing him. When the exorcist discovers the demon, a playful back and forth ensues. To call this a friendship might be a stretch, admittedly. If anything, it’s a witty acquaintanceship sparked by begrudging respect.

This SFF friendship serves as a vehicle for discussions about morality and fate. Does the exorcist remove Prosper’s demon, putting the man (and the demon) at risk, alongside the art and cultural work they perform together? This question and this tenuous mutual respect is the core of Prosper’s Demon, and the relationship alone is reason enough to give the novella your attention.

 

Dex & Robot: A Psalm for the Wild-Built

Here’s an SFF friendship that flares and flashes like a beacon of hope in a confusing world. Dex has a corporate job on the human side of Panga, a world in which robots gained sentience and left for the wilds. Humanity was left with a lack of technology, eventually learning to live without robotic aid. Having grown tired of their current existence, Dex abandons the corporate world and purchases a tea wagon, traveling from one town to another to listen to the woes of humans and offer them a calming presence.

But Dex grows bored yet again. They venture out into the Wild and encounter a friendly robot eager to soak up the vast knowledge made readily available by surrounding nature. Dex and the robot strike a fast friendship and begin to bridge the gap left when robots withdrew from humanity.

A hefty chunk of Becky Chambers’ novella is spent exploring Dex’s friendship with the robot, and the pair offer a great window into themes of acceptance, repentance, and loving oneself.

 

Merry, Pippin, and Treebeard: The Lord of the Rings

Alongside the tried-and-true Frodo and Samwise pairing (featuring companions who’ve grown up devoted to each other), we have the hilarious trio, formed on the fly, of Treebeard, Merry, and Pippin. Lost in the Fangorn forest, the two easygoing halflings stumble across Treebeard and almost immediately begin forging a humorous and unexpected friendship.

Despite the unlikely pairing, this triad eventually feels so natural it should be considered a staple of SFF friendships. Hobbits are a carefree bunch, all things considered. Merry and Pippin are content to enjoy their meals, smoke leaf, and live a restful life. But by an Ent’s standards, Hobbits are living life in the fast lane. Ents prefer the slow growth of the trees to the speedy endeavors of shorter-lived races.

This unlikely grouping actually decides the fate of the world, in a way. Had Aragorn or Gimley met Treebeard first, they may have grown impatient with the slow deliberations of the Entmoot. Merry and Pippin, though they have some urgency, respectfully allow the Ents to take their time, eventually resulting in the aid of Treebeard and company in the attack on Isengard. In the case of The Lord of the Rings, an unlikely friendship helps tip the balance in a world-changing conflict.

 

Cole Rush writes words. A lot of them. For the most part, you can find those words at The Quill To Live or on Twitter @ColeRush1. He voraciously reads epic fantasy and science-fiction, seeking out stories of gargantuan proportions and devouring them with a bookwormish fervor. His favorite books are: The Divine Cities Series by Robert Jackson Bennett, The Long Way To A Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers, and The House In The Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune.

The Non-Holiday Movies and TV We Watch Over the Holidays

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There are plenty of holiday films that we adore, favorites that we screen every year to great applause (or groans) from family and friends. But don’t we all have a few films or TV shows that we associate with the holidays, despite them having nothing to do with the season?

Here are a few of our go-tos while we’re holed up with cocoa, gingerbread, and mulled wine.

(Now we really want mulled wine…)

 

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

I could not tell you why this film is always on around December 25th in my house. Maybe it makes sense because it’s about locating the Holy Grail? That’s kind of related to the holiday, but not at all why it became one of my yearly indulgences. There’s just something about Last Crusade that is deeply comforting to me, like snuggly pajamas. From the soundtrack to the color palette—it’s oddly specific, I know, but the blue of the sky and the grey tones of the grail knight are soothing somehow. I can fully engage with it or fall asleep to it, and either way I’ve had a good evening. Sometimes it’s fun to have on in the background while I’m baking. Also, it’s something of a trade-off in my head; Thanksgiving is for James Bond marathons, so maybe I just graduate to Jones the next month for the sake of completion.

Other titles I screen that would qualify include The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (which has Santa but isn’t really about Christmas), Lilo and Stitch, and Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.

—Emmet

 

Mystery Science Theater 3000

Mystery Science Theater 3000 has always carried a sleepy Saturday morning vibe, the kind that I took for granted as a kid and which has now become a blessed and rare reward. That sleepy vibe returns around Christmas, prompting me, usually without realizing, to complete my memory of the experience by booting up an episode of MST3K. It usually has to be one of the brighter, daffier episodes, though, to go with the twinkliness of the holiday. Roll on, The Puma Man! (Or maybe “Overdrawn at the Memory Bank”.)

—Chris

 

Labyrinth

I’m not sure why, but for me, winter (and especially the holiday season) is a time for fairy tales. Maybe it’s the nostalgic comfort of spending time back home with family, or the liminal space of transition from one year to the next. Whatever the reason, every December I find myself back with old classics, especially in the form of ’80s and ’90s fantasy films—and there are a lot to choose from. Willow is a recurring favorite, as is The Neverending Story, and Ladyhawke (which I had somehow missed as an actual child). But the one I come back to EVERY YEAR? Labyrinth, obviously. It’s got an epic quest, a gauzy dream-sequence, a central character I related to extra hard (we even have the same extremely common first name!), muppets, and BOWIE. And no, I’m not sorry for getting “Magic Dance” stuck in your head.

—Sarah

 

In Bruges

I don’t know what possessed us one year to watch Martin McDonagh’s darkly funny caper about two hitmen (Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson) killing time in the Belgian city of Bruges, but it made for a surprisingly fitting holiday movie. Though I’ve never visited Bruges, the cobblestoned streets and the architecture (especially the very important carillon tower) remind me of the parts of Bavaria in which we used to spend Christmas when I was little. Maybe it’s that Ray’s (Farrell) crankiness for their forced vacation is just grinchy enough to be hilarious. And something about Bruges-as-purgatory really forces you to reflect on key moments in your life and important people to spend them with… which is what most holiday movies are supposed to do, and so many fail at.

—Natalie

 

The Many Fast and/or Furious Films

I’ve had one perfect New Year’s Day in recent memory, and that’s because I spent it the best way possible: Watching all of the Fast & Furious movies with a bunch of friends. The important thing is to watch them in chronological order, not release order, because if you try to watch Tokyo Drift third, you’ll lose momentum. (You can also skip Tokyo Drift. I won’t tell.) The Furious franchise starts out as a car-tastic cousin of Point Break, and is full of absurd moments (like when a cop inexplicably orders his minion to make him a pair of iced cappuccinos), but as the series goes on, it figures out its obsessions (FAMILY) and strengths (increasingly absurd car stunts; Michelle Rodriguez fighting Ronda Rousey; the sexual tension between Vin Diesel and basically everyone).

And then it adds The Rock. Fast 5 is when you really want to start paying attention—but that means you can gradually wake up over the course of The Fast and the Furious, 2 Fast 2 Furious, and Fast & Furious. Invite your favorite people over, make some mimosas, get some Coronas (you want Dom to like you, right?), order some takeout, and settle in for the long haul. By the time you get to Fast & Furious 6’s second barbecue, you’ll be cozy and happy and ready to face the year with your own chosen family.

You might also want a ten-second car.

Molly

 

Trilogy Marathon: The Lord of the Rings

I’m a Christmas media fanatic. In December I try to schedule my time so I can watch some type of holiday special or film every day, I festoon my home with tinsel, and I drink as much cocoa as I can hold. Because of this, the post-Christmas doldrums are strong with me. Over the years I’ve tried to force myself through my sadness by watching holiday specials on the 26th, but each attempt curdled like bad eggnog in my mouth. A few years ago I cooked up a new scheme: make the 26th the Official Trilogy Day!

The obvious starting point was the Star Wars Trilogy. And lo! The 27th dawned, and I felt better than I had in any previous year. And thus a new tradition was born, and led to Back to the Future, the first three Thin Man movies (those are the good ones) and then the one that stuck: The Lord of the Rings. Obviously, LOTR was already something of a holiday tradition anyway since the movies came out in December, but in a purely shallow way, watching all three movies while stuffing yourself with leftovers is the perfect way to ease back into regular, non-Christmas time. On a more serious note, since Christmas, at its heart, is about celebrating light in the darkness, what better scene to watch than the lighting of the beacons?

Leah

 

An earlier version of this article was published in December 2016.

Amazon’s Lord of the Rings Series Finally Has a Title

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It had a premiere date before it had an official title, but now it’s got both: Amazon Prime Video’s J.R.R. Tolkien series is now The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power.

The announcement came in the form of a short video showing the forging of a ring, with a voice reciting some very familiar lines:

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men, doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

It ends, notably, before the lines about the One Ring (“One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, / One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them”). We’re back in the Second Age, which Amazon describes as “an era in which great powers were forged, kingdoms rose to glory and fell to ruin, unlikely heroes were tested, hope hung by the finest of threads, and the greatest villain that ever flowed from Tolkien’s pen threatened to cover all the world in darkness.”

Intriguingly, the molten metal in the video is a practical effect, not CGI. Variety notes, “Expert foundryman and metal artist Landon Ryan worked together with director Klaus Obermeyer and legendary Hollywood SFX pioneer and artist Douglas Trumbull to capture the molten metal moving through carvings in a sustainably sourced slab of redwood using a 4K camera system.”

According to showrunners J.D. Payne & Patrick McKay, “The Rings of Power unites all the major stories of Middle-earth’s Second Age: the forging of the rings, the rise of the Dark Lord Sauron, the epic tale of Númenor, and the Last Alliance of Elves and Men. Until now, audiences have only seen on-screen the story of the One Ring—but before there was one, there were many… and we’re excited to share the epic story of them all.”

The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power premieres on Prime Video on September 2nd. It’s already been renewed for a second season.


The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power Reveals Everyone’s… Hands

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For good or ill, the releasing of character posters has been a thing for a while now. Studios and networks need social media content, y’know? And a detailed peek at a character’s costume can be quite telling.

But Prime Video has taken that to a whole new level with the releasing of… characters’ hands posters.

Some of these are very cool and hint at details about the series, and some less so. Wanna play a guessing game? Silmarillion readers, this is probably your time to shine!

(You’ll want to click to embiggen these images, as the previews cut off some of the important details!)

Either this is a hobbit, or they grow really big blackberries in Middle-Earth.

Big beard, big hammer. We know a dwarf when we see one.

Does the gold dust imply this person is involved in the forging of the Rings?

That’s quite a nice staff you’ve got there. (You’ll want to look closely at the top of this one.)

Very lush robes, very fancy scroll.

This is the coolest armor? There’s a face hidden among the leaves? I’m extremely into it? Someone tell me who this is so I can make them my favorite character already.

Something very bad happened to this very elaborate sword. (Or wait, is that a wizard staff?)

Gonna go out on a limb here and guess that a person with a horse-shaped sword hilt might come from Rohan.

This scroll is considerably less fancy than the one above. Is it a map? Are those trees or runes under their fingers?

Again, either they grow acorns real big or this person is rather small.

We’ve seen armor like this before.

It’s kind of nice to see a splash of color.

Everything about this fancy armor is extremely cool.

Tell me the apple didn’t make you think of Denethor’s dinner.

This one looks friendly.

I would have thought this was an intense walking stick, but the descriptive text calls it “a primitive farm implement of some sort.”

Everyone’s hands are either very dirty or pristinely clean.

Sailor vibes? Sailor vibes.

Acorns, blackberries, an apple, and now a flower.

This person is holding a book, but against the red dress it kind of looks like a clutch.

Everything here is deeply ostentatious.

That… that’s a lot of rings.

An interesting contrast of implement and outfit, here.

So, who are these characters? You’ve got plenty of time to theorize before The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power premieres on September 2nd.

A Show of Hands for Amazon’s The Rings of Power: Speculating on What We Know So Far

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Amazon has done a pretty good job tossing up tantalizing nuggets about their upcoming 5-season Lord of the Rings series. First it was those varying maps of differing time periods. Then there were some casting announcements with a batch of unfamiliar faces (always a good thing, if you ask me). More recently we saw the “teaser” video announcing the title of the thing: The Rings of Power.

Then on February 3rd, they dropped twenty-three character “posters” depicting hands (some clean, some grimy, some in between), lots of clothes, armor, assorted trappings, weapons, and even some beards. And, of course… rings. These images offer a slew of new details to consider—but mostly for us to speculate about and guess at. And obviously for us all to talk about, because publicity is a thing. Nervous as I am about the whole venture, I’m still happy to see glimpses of some actual Númenóreans, aka the Dúnedain, aka the Sea-kings of Westernesse, aka Aragorn’s ancestors…

So let’s dig into some of this.

…But let’s also not go crazy, either. There are few hard facts here, and it’s impossible to map every detail to established Tolkien lore. Which means a lot of it is fabricated for new stories. First, we still don’t exactly know what rights Amazon has acquired from the Tolkien Estate. How much of The Silmarillion can they even refer to? The whole of the Akallabêth, the Downfall of Númenor? We’ve got so few solid clues about what the show is up to. Most of it can only be conjectured about. So let’s do that! Nerdily and vehemently.

Take this wonderfully bedraggled and apple-wielding, wool-clad chap with a gray beard and a humble bearing. (Click the Twitter link to see the full poster image.)

My book-aligned geek-brain wants to say this is some beggar or wise soothsayer among the non-Númenórean Men of Eriador in the Second Age. That’s what I want it to be. What I’m afraid it will be is a wizard—that is, one of the Istari, coming onto the scene way too early. (In Tolkien’s books, the wizards arrive on Middle-earth one thousand years into the Third Age, specifically to oppose the returning shadow of Sauron after the loss of his One Ring.)

And it is the Second Age this show is primarily concerned with. We know this. All the Rings of Power—the Three, the Seven, the Nine, and finally the One—are going to be the crux of this tale and they start to pop up 1,500 years into the Second Age. Put another way, the Rings of Power are made roughly 1,941 years before Isildur cuts the One Ring from Sauron’s “dead” hand. Of course, Amazon might muck around with Tolkien’s timeline—I’ll be super impressed if they don’t—but for now I’d like to pretend they will be faithful to the timeline. So let’s have a look out the major events marked in The Tale of Years from Appendix B of The Lord of the Rings and see what they’re supposed to be working with.

One important book paradigm is the fact that Sauron’s identity, or even his existence as a threat at all, remains unknown for hundreds of years after the defeat of his boss, Morgoth, which is what wrapped up the First Age. Sure, Sauron was a known foe long before—especially in the Beren and Lúthien story—but for all intents and purposes, he’s long gone. Gil-galad, the last High King of the Noldor, does eventually sense that “a new shadow arises in the East,” but he has no idea who or what it is. Sauron’s been lying low, totally off-grid.

Now, I’m guessing the series won’t begin after the forging of said rings—they’ll want to show them being made—so it needs to get underway somewhere before the year 1500. Númenor is already a significant power at this point and it has not yet fallen under the shadow of evil. Ostensibly the Sea-kings will start off the show as a force of good. How better to appreciate and shake our heads at their eventual corruption and fall? They’re a kingdom of Men graced by the Valar with long (but not immortal) life, whose stature, skill, and technology are superior in skill to their mortal cousins on Middle-earth.

All right, so the Rings of Power get underway in the realm of Eregion around 1500, then Sauron finishes the One in 1600, and that’s his big reveal: when the fair guise of Annatar is lifted and the Elves become aware of Sauron. And because his ring scheme fails he’s pissed and starts gearing up for war. Yet Sauron himself doesn’t go to Númenor and start prepping it for its downfall until the year 3,262. That’s a HUGE gap of time.

Does Amazon plan on somehow cramming the ring-forging events together with the fall of Númenor? I hope not. Those two things can’t really happen at the same time. They’re separated by more than a millennium. But I can well imagine Amazon compressing the timeline. Which I’m not wild about. But I get it.

Anyway, let’s get back to some of these posters.

Apple Dude could be just about anyone. Tom Bombadil, for all we know. But let’s say he’s a wizard. Like Radagast or one of the Blue wizards? Then either Amazon is (1) dragging Third Age events into the Second or (2) establishing the basic concept of wizards early and quite apart from the Istari. That is, making it a vocation of its own distinct from the divine agents sent by the Valar. Is that do-able? Only with some fudging. I get the sense that Amazon wants to be able to throw around the word “wizard” to rope in more people familiar only with Peter Jackson’s films.

In Unfinished Tales, the first line of the “Istari” chapter is:

Wizard is a translation of Quenya istar (Sindarin ithron): one of the members of an ‘order’ (as they called it), claiming to possess, and exhibiting, eminent knowledge of the history and nature of the World.

Rather than making the word synonymous with the Istari who came in the Third Age (Gandalf, Saruman, etc.), they could just be trying to establish wizard as a classification for worldly sages. Consider the way hobbits regard Gandalf in Bilbo’s youth; he’s known as a “wandering wizard,” which implies some idea of wizards in general. The sort of old men who tell wonderful tales at parties and give enchanted diamond studs to the Old Took. Who bring fireworks. Who whisk otherwise sensible hobbits off onto adventures.

And look, anything we see as anachronistic could be explained as being part of a framing story, be it wizards or hobbits. Maybe the setup is a hobbit and a wizard in the early Fourth Age discussing the events of the Second? So then the show could freely toggle back and forth through time as it pleases. Wouldn’t it be neat if the frame story was a group of hobbits (Harfoots, Fallohides, and Stoors) visiting Rivendell and discussing the past with some lingering Elven loremaster (why not Celeborn, who stays there after Galadriel has sailed West)? By this point, Gondor and Arnor have been restored by King Elessar.

So who else do we see in these posters? Many speculations abound on social media, and there are some insights I don’t want to take any credit for. So let’s just look at just a few. Such as Spikey over here.

If this isn’t Sauron, it’s sure meant to invoke the aesthetics of Mordor. If it is the Dark Lord, it’d need to be either pre-Annatar Sauron or post-Rings Sauron; the whole time he’s in his Groucho Marx-mustache-and-glasses mode, adopting his Annatar persona, he is fair-seeming and wise and super charismatic. Curious aside: I’m doubtful that Amazon would incorporate anything from The Nature of Middle-earth into their show, but in that book we learn that while he was “cozening” the Elves as Annatar, Sauron couldn’t simultaneously exert his dominance over all the Orcs. Which is why, once he’s unmasked, it takes him ninety years to get ready for war.

This dark-armored, sword-wielding individual might also be a Ringwraith, maybe the Witch-king himself. But the Nazgûl aren’t supposed to show up until more than five hundred years after Sauron wages war with the Elves. Of course, this could be a red herring. Whether Spikey is Sauron or not, one of the other poster characters could also be him as Annatar. Like Goldy Frocks over here.

I mean, probably not. That’s more likely a Númenórean king, like Ar-Pharazôn the Golden, or just an ostentatious Elf-lord (that doesn’t feel quite right, but you never know), what with all those shiny rings. Elves do like shiny things, especially the Noldor. Speaking of rings, while we’re seeing how popular rings are among some Second Age races, not too many of the ones we see in these posters are candidates for actual Rings of Power, since the sixteen Rings of Power each bore its own gemstones. Unless some of the rings we’re seeing here are the mere “essays in the craft before it was full-grown,” as Tolkien put it.

I think Amazon just wants to put the idea of rings in our heads.

But not all the rings shown here are fancy. In fact, we see quite a range of social classes represented: fine robes and armor, homespun cloth, well-worn cloaks, vocational trappings, and even weapons. A tool of agriculture in the hands of one who could be a peasant or noble; country folk with their hard-won fruits; mariners or explorers with practical gear; a lordly hand holding the Sceptre of rulership of Númenor; a red-robed figure holding a scroll (Elrond? Celebrimbor?); a red-dressed woman with a book; a white flower held in sun-browned hands.

Now this is surely a red-bearded Dwarf king, or at least a weaponsmith.

This could be Durin II or III, the king of Khazad-dûm. Remember, these are the “happier times” when the Elves and Dwarves got along and set up doors with easy-to-remember friendly passwords. Some have translated the runes on that hammer as “Awake, sleeping stone.” Note the gold dust on his hands, which we see on some others’ fingers as well. Is that symbolic for the works of the Dwarves and the lust for gold that the Seven Rings given to them by Sauron will stir in their hearts, or is it merely the byproduct of their craft?

This one’s unfamiliar jewelry and golden robes could suggest Dwarves or the Haradrim. Her skin is dark, but she doesn’t look like an enemy, which is encouraging. Harad is a land and culture ripe for exploration! Her shirt has a kind of beard-like flowing pattern, doesn’t it? Which has me thinking of Dwarves again. If they were being faithful, Amazon would be sure to give any female Dwarves beards, too. From The Peoples of Middle-earth:

nor indeed can their womenkind be discerned by those of other race, be it in feature or in gait or in voice, nor in any wise save this: that they go not to war, and seldom save at direst need issue from their deep bowers and halls.

But if this is a lady of Harad, what is her vocation? Like all mortal Men, the Haradrim are not inherently evil, but when the Númenóreans go from friends to oppressors, they start demanding tribute from Harad, too. Which does them no favors in the long run, because Sauron eventually pulls the strings in Harad and turns them against the northerners and Sea-kings. But it would be delightful to see peaceful trade between the Haradrim and the people of Númenor and Eriador, at least for a while.

So what are we to do with Horseblade here?

The horsey pommel and reddish armor is obviously going to make us think of Rohan. But there is no Rohan in the Second Age, nor even its predecessor Calenardhon, nor even the Éothéod people where they came from. There were Northmen up in the valley north and west of Mirkwood/Greenwood even in the Second Age, and sure, they were horsemen, but they’d have had little or no contact with anything going on in Eriador—only the mountain-dwelling Dwarves (who they traded with) and the Orcs (who they fought). So it’s a stretch to bring anything even vaguely Rohirric into the Rings of Power story.

However, Númenóreans were superior horsemen as well, so this could just be a red herring. Look at that fishy scale mail. Sea-kings

Still, in one of the maps Amazon teased in 2019, the land of Calenardhon is included. That’s the wide green land in which Eorl the Young would ride to Gondor’s aid and found Rohan. That’s a Third Age event, mind you. So what the heck are they doing? Telescoping forward and backward in time? That could explain this range of cultures across different periods of time. It is a puzzle.

Now it’s time to talk about the two giant trees in the room.

This could be Galadriel, absolutely. Though she’s never called out as a warrior specifically, in some ways I feel like all the Noldor have to fight to last this long. Those dwelling in Middle-earth in the Second Age are just a remnant of the whole. The rest were slain or sailed West. Moreover, Galadriel is tough and able-bodied as heck. In Unfinished Tales, we’re told “she was strong of body, mind, and will, a match for both the loremasters and the athletes of the Eldar in the days of their youth.”

But even if this poster turns out to depict just Elf Warrior #4, this person is almost certainly a Noldorin Elf of Eregion or Lindon. It is the Noldor who looked upon the Two Trees of Valinor and the first ones who would work that memory and admiration into their weaponry. (In the pommel of this Elven dagger, we clearly see represented Telperion the Silver and Laurelin the Gold.) There are going to be wars with Sauron that lay waste to Eregion, so this Elf is poised to be just about anyone involved. Though, if we’re sticking to the text, by the time the Rings of Power are forged, Galadriel and Celeborn have already settled into Lórinand on the east side of the Misty Mountains (future Lothlórien).

So who is Woodsy McArcher here?

I mean, a Silvan Elf maybe… but probably not. The bearded face in the leafy bark armor feels a bit more Mannish to me. If you look at the Second Age (and topmost) map in the ones Amazon has presented, you’ll see regions in southern Eriador called Minhiriath and Enedhwaith. Notice they’re heavily forested? They won’t stay that way. When the Númenóreans go from lordly advisors to demanders of tribute, they do a lot of tree-cutting to make their ships and turn their havens into fortresses, beginning around the year 1800. So this archer would well be one of the hunters of that land fighting against the deforestation. Say, is that barky face meant to be Entish in inspiration?

Or not. This guy might just be a Númenórean with a penchant for woodsy armor. Red herrings, I tell you!

We should probably also address the little people.

Some are calling this one a hobbit, and I can’t gainsay it. If this is Sir Lenny Henry’s Harfoot, who according to the actor is part of “the early days of the Shire,” then it seems most likely that hobbits will be part of the main story after all, not merely part of a frame device. All fine, but how would the doings of such a people not upstage future hobbits or become part of recorded history? If they can really pull it off with those conditions, I’m all for it.

So, Ropey the Man.

This could be Aldarion (from the story “Aldarion and Erendis: The Mariner’s Wife” in Unfinished Tales), who’ll eventually become Tar-Aldarion, sixth king of Númenor, if they decide to start well before Sauron starts his ring-based pyramid scheme. Before he takes the Sceptre, Aldarion goes sailing and exploring with his plucky Guild of Venturers. It’s a rich story to mine from, but I’m not sure how it would tie in with the smiths of Eregion so early. In the span of history, Aldarion is especially credited with helping to build up the naval force that crucially comes to the aid of the beleaguered Elves in their war with Sauron.

One of the most evocative images is this one, which of course makes most people think of the broken sword Narsil.

But it can’t be Narsil. Amazon doesn’t have to match Jackson’s version of that sword, no, but this hilt has villainy written all over it. It doesn’t so much look broken (as when Elendil fell on it when he was himself slain) as it looks melted, burned, or scorched. This seems more like a weapon of Mordor (or Angband), and the hand that holds it here belongs either to some hapless shepherd who found it or a future Nazgûl in awe of its power. Just a guess.

Now this next one sure seems both Númenórean and royal.

There are three Sceptre-bearing queens of Númenor that Amazon could work with (of the twenty-five total monarchs), though the spouses of the kings could all be considered. Tar-Míriel, the wife (and, um, cousin) of the villainous final king, Ar-Pharazôn, should have been the fourth ruling queen but was denied her rightful role by her asshole of a husband. Still, this doesn’t seem like her. And what does the white flower signify? Nimloth, the White Tree from whose fruit a seedling is transported to Middle-earth? Now, if the woman represented in this poster is of the royal house of Númenor, these brown-skinned hands are descended from Elros, brother of Elrond and son of Eärendil the Mariner.

And that’s one thing I really like—the range of skin colors shown throughout these posters. It feels right. Seriously, I want Middle-earth to look real, lived in by disparate cultures, and Tolkien didn’t get too descriptive with most of his characters. There is room for everyone. I only hope ethnicities are used consistently with their origins in the text, where he did specify—for example, the Harfoot hobbits are “browner of skin,” per Tolkien himself in the “Concerning Hobbits” prologue of The Lord of the Rings, while the Fallohides are “fairer of skin.” If they follow such guidelines where they appear and stretch a bit further in the unwritten lore, that’s good enough for me. The Edain, the Men who became the Númenóreans, were comprised of several tribes of Men (the Houses of Bëor, Haleth, and Hador, and even some of the Drúedain), so there’s no reason they should all be uniformly pasty, either. I’d be disappointed if they were. Now, should there be some blonds among the descendants of Hador the Golden-haired? Yeah, totally, but from start to finish, Númenor’s history spans well over three thousand years. Plenty of time for genetics to do its thing.

But anyway, this is all just speculation. We’re just getting started. Like a lot of Tolkien fans, I’m trying to be cautiously optimistic. I’m a book fan first, but I’m not a book purist when it comes to adaptation. Amazon is going to do a lot of inventing in The Rings of Power, but while the thousands of years of the Second Age are largely untold by Tolkien himself, there is a still a rich framework to build on. I hope they use it with respect.

If you’d like to hear further discussion and informed speculation that far exceeds mine, you could do much worse than the Who Are These People? video streams (there are already two) from Signum University, led by the Tolkien Professor, Dr. Corey Olsen. It walks through all of these posters and addresses every detail. I haven’t even finished watching them myself…

In the meantime, what are your thoughts?

And one final note: If you’re unfamiliar with the Second Age and haven’t read The Silmarillion or Unfinished Tales, consider my overviews of the Second and Third Ages from the Silmarillion Primer:

Jeff LaSala can’t leave Middle-earth well enough alone, and is responsible for The Silmarillion Primer, the Deep Delvings series, and a few other assorted articles. Tolkien nerdom aside, Jeff wrote a Scribe Award–nominated D&D novel, produced some cyberpunk stories, and works in production for Macmillan and Tor Books. He is sometimes on Twitter.

This Lord of the Rings Fanfic Is Over 5 Million Words Long and Far From Complete

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Faramir and Eowyn in Peter Jackson's The Lord of the Rings

J.R.R. Tolkien wrote a fair amount in The Lord of the Rings universe—over 500,000 words in the initial trilogy, another 225,000 between The Silmarillion and The Hobbit, and more besides. Those numbers aren’t anything to sneeze at, but two LoTR fanfic writers have sailed right past that word count and currently have a 5.6-million-word story on Archive of Our Own that, according to the writers, still has a least a couple million words to go.

Slate recently interviewed the two authors—Stevie Barry and AnnEllspethRaven—about how their collaboration started and what their epic fanfic tale is all about.

Their shared tale is called At the Edge of Lasg’len, and focuses on the original character Earlene, a human from contemporary times who travels to Ireland and ends up entangled with Tolkien’s Wood Elves. Barry was writing her own Hobbit fanfics when she connected with Ann, who had read one of her stories. At first Barry just provided Ann some help with “accent or dialogue,” but the two soon began collaborating in earnest, with Barry working on the human characters and Ann focusing on the elven parts of the story.

The two have been writing Lasg’len for more than five years, and the story is currently one of the longest on Archive of Our Own. It wasn’t and isn’t Ann and Barry’s intent to create the longest fanfic, however—their focus is on continuing to post their episodic installments and to complete their arc, which is to writing an ending to Ainulindalë, Tolkien’s song of creation that he wrote about in The Silmarillion.

You can check out At the Edge of Lasg’len here and the full interview on Slate here. Maybe both will inspire you to write some (more) fanfic of your own!


Anime Film Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim Rides Into Theaters in 2024

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Amazon’s The Rings of Power is getting all the attention, but more Middle-earth is on the horizon. Warner Bros. Animation and New Line Cinema have announced the release date for their standalone anime film Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim: April 12, 2024.

Kenji Kamiyama (Blade Runner: Black Lotus) directs the film, which has as an executive producer Philippa Boyens, who co-wrote Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit trilogies. Joseph Chou’s anime studio Sola Entertainment (Ultraman, Blade Runner: Black Lotus) is producing.

Boyens’ daughter, Phoebe Gittins, and Arty Papageorgiou are writing the screenplay (which Variety notes is based on a script by Jeffrey Addiss and Will Matthews). Three key players in Jackson’s movies are also on board: Richard Taylor (an Oscar winner for makeup and visual effects), and artists Alan Lee and John Howe.

The War of the Rohirrim is set about 200 years before The Hobbit, and tells the story of Helm Hammerhand, the ninth king of Rohan and the man for whom Helm’s Deep was named. Hammerhand spent most of his reign at war and was the last king of his line, so presumably the film is not going to have a super upbeat story.

Voice casting is expected to be announced soon—and then we’ll just sit back and wait two years for the riders to arrive.


The Rings of Power Teaser Shines a New (and Alternate) Light on Middle-earth

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Well, The Rings of Power teaser trailer sure has been polarizing among fans, with a fair number of us waffling between the two extremes of excitement and trepidation. For some, it’s thrilling just to see a new vision of Middle-earth; they await the new series with open eyes and minds. For others, it’s been outrage from the get-go and the certainty that the show is going to suck…without, you know, waiting to see. Outside of Tolkien fandom, I assume that the general reaction after seeing the teaser has been either “oh, neat, another nerds-and-hobbits thing” or “was that a naked bearded man in a meteor?”

If you ask me, here’s what we should all do: Avoid window shopping at the Knee-Jerk Store in downtown Freak-Out City. That place is full of Orcs, you know? We’re allowed to just be excited in any which way.

That said, I’m as anxious (and sometimes as grumbly) as the next nerd, and I have my sticking points, too. But it helps to remember that teaser trailers are not regular trailers. Teasers have only one job: to get potential viewers excited about something. Not to forecast a plot or introduce the cast. In less than a minute, it barely tells us what to expect: Some of those scene snippets could be seasons away, they’re not likely in chronological order, and they’re not exactly loaded with exposition. And this teaser aired during Super Bowl LVI, casting as wide a net as possible. You can’t get any more public than that.

Keep in mind one overarching truth: Amazon Prime wants more subscribers out of this. It’s trying to make a TV show for mass appeal first, and a faithful Tolkien tie-in second. Or third, or tenth. Satisfying existing Tolkien book fans has got to be low on the executive producers’ priority list. Does that mean that all the people involved in this show are twirling their mustaches and pulling out money sacks with a big $ symbol on them? Hardly. We can only hope there is still a lot of heart and dedication and meaningful effort in what’s to come. Maybe it is a fool’s hope.

Consider this. In a follow-up audio interview with the authors of the Vanity Fair article “Amazon’s Lord of the Rings Series Rises: Inside The Rings of Power,” Joanna Robinson was asked straight-up about what rights Amazon has for this show. This was her answer, and she starts by quoting the showrunners directly.

“We do not have the rights to The Silmarillion, to the Unfinished Tales, to the History of Middle-earth…. We have the rights solely to The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, The Return of the King, and the Appendices, and that’s it. And The Hobbit.” Basically this exploration of the Second Age, as you know, is not just in those Appendices but in a few chapters, like “The Council of Elrond,” or Gandalf speaking to Frodo, or in songs or in poems, or any of those nooks and crannies where they could dig out that Second Age information, they did.

On the one hand, as a book fan, that means all that extended Tolkien legendarium material is “safe” from getting adapted for now.

But on the other hand, it’s also kind of devastating. If they have no Silmarillion rights, how can they stay true to the events related to, for example, the Akallabêth—that is, the actual full story of the rise and fall of Númenor. Does that mean the new series has to reinvent the whole Númenor story, along with most of the plot of the Second Age (from “Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age” at the end of The Silmarillion“)? Ostensibly. And that’s kind of horrifying. But then it was pointed out to me that there are place names on the Amazon maps that are not named at all in The Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit. Like Belegaer (the Great Sea), Ost-in-Edhil (the capital city of Eregion where the Rings of Power are made), or Lórinand (the early name for Lothlórien). So that means Amazon has got to have some kind of rights to some bits and pieces beyond LotR—how much, we won’t know until we see it.

So for now, let’s stick with some teaser trailer speculations. Everybody’s doing it, so why can’t we?

Such as, hey, where the heck is this frigid cliff and waterfall where Galadriel is doing some Legolas-style Elfobatics, climbing in armor and using her Two Trees dagger as an ice axe?

Screenshot: Amazon Studios

Well, according to Vanity Fair’s own follow-up to the teaser, this is “clearly the Forodwaith,” where Galadriel is “leading an expedition to track and destroy any remnants of Morgoth or Sauron, who went into hiding after the fall of his master.” Hmm. Not to be confused with the Helcaraxë, Forodwaith is a cold region at the top of Eriador, due north of the future site of Rivendell. Why Galadriel herself would lead such an expedition is unclear. In The Silmarillion and elsewhere, Gil-galad, the last High King of the Noldor, is the one who is most suspicious of the Shadow that’s returning to Middle-earth. Here Galadriel is the “commander of the Northern Armies,” whose “mission is to eradicate any trace of the evil that cost so many lives, including that of her brother Finrod, during Morgoth’s tyranny in the ‘first age.'” Finrod, hmm?

So why is the commander leading a mountaineering team to such a remote place in search of traces of evil? I suppose we might as well wonder why the captain of a starship and his senior officers would be the first ones to explore a mysterious and potentially inhospitable planet.

Speaking of traces of evil… I guess she finds some!

Screenshot: Amazon Studios

Surely this is a snow-troll, or some other ice-themed monster out of Morgoth’s old workshops. Snow-trolls are named only once in The Lord of the Rings, when in Appendix A a white-clad Helm Hammerhand is compared to one, “fierce and gaunt for famine and grief” as he stalks his enemies with his bare hands. Which, in turn, suggests that Helm’s ancestors, the Northmen of Rhovanion, have passed down tales of such monsters from the mountains. Whatever this thing is, is it trying to upstage the wampa Luke Skywalker meets on Hoth?

Okay, so this is our first look at the island of “Númenor in its prime.”

Screenshot: Amazon Studios

This is probably the eastern port city of Rómenna, from which mariners would set sail for Middle-earth. That lonely mountain in the background is surely Meneltarma, at the island’s center, upon which a place of worship is built. Devoted to Eru Ilúvatar (the singular god of Tolkien’s legendarium), it is a hallowed site open to the sky, and visitors were forbidden to speak there. In the latter, corrupt days of Númenor, the holy mountain will be deserted. And on the nation’s final day, Meneltarma will explode with flame. Like, y’know, a volcano. Meanwhile, uncoincidentally, Sauron will be sitting pretty in his little Melkor-worshipping temple, pleased with his efforts. Until he realizes the divine response to Númenor’s temerity is more than even he bargained for.

Anyway, that big statue of a man holding his hand up dramatically sure has an Argonath vibe, doesn’t it? Since Gondor was founded by the Númenóreans who survived the downfall, the style is no accident.

Meanwhile, something’s really got Durin IV upset here.

Screenshot: Amazon Studios

In the Appendix A, we’re told…

Durin is the name that the Dwarves used for the eldest of the Seven Fathers of their race, and the ancestor of all the kings of the Longbeards.

Dwarves can be cagey about their own traditions, but basically, the heirs of Durin the Deathless so strongly resembled him in every way that they kept the name going, and the Dwarves treated each one as if he were the original Durin. A king in Khazad-dûm (Moria) during both the “happier times” and war times of the Second Age, he’ll certainly be an important character in this series and likely to get one of those fancy Rings of Power that’ll be handed out. Khazad-dûm was founded in the First Age, but will have only grown in wealth and power by this point in time. It’s not until two Durins later in the Third Age when the Balrog comes busting through the wall like an evil Kool-Aid Man.

But what popped out to me in this shot were the terrifying effigies in the background. Or are they statues? Masks? Petrified corpses? They’re scary.

Given the orangey, fire-lit cavern background, I think this next shot is meant to be from the same venue.

Screenshot: Amazon Studios

So, Elrond Half-Elven. This is going to take some getting used to. Vanity Fair cites him as “a canny young elven architect and politician,” which will also take getting used to. That’s all fine, even intriguing, but it’s weird to have those be his main identifiers… as opposed to, oh, being the son of Eärendil (who is now endlessly flying over Middle-earth as the Evening Star with a Silmaril strapped to his head!) and the brother of Elros, the first king of Númenor, and the descendant of some of the most important Men, Elves, and even Maiar of the First Age. No big deal.

To my eyes, this Elrond looks much too much like some teenager from Dawson’s Creek or Cobra Kai (pick your decade), but I’m less concerned by how young he looks than what his arc will be. I’m worried the series is going to give him daddy issues or just family issues in general. Eru knows, he’ll have reason enough in the future to be angsty (the fates of his wife and his daughter). No one on Middle-earth should feel so bitterly the differing fates of Men and Elves. Yet none are also as likely to appreciate the value of different races joining together to oppose Sauron. In this sense, calling him a politician could be suitable. I just hope the show’s writers establish him as much more than just some punk kid, even in the beginning. This image of Elrond, presumably visiting Khazad-dûm, makes him seem angry or frustrated. Perhaps he is on a diplomatic mission there in Khazad-dûm, visiting the Dwarves.

As far as other Elves in the teaser, we see the Silvan Elf that Vanity Fair has identified as Arondir.

Screenshot: Amazon Studios

This far back in time before the Third Age, anything goes. Silvan Elves will one day people the Woodland Realm of Mirkwood and even Lothlórien. Silvan Elves, in proper Tolkien lore, are Moriquendi, a.k.a. Dark Elves, which just means they’re Elves who never reached Valinor and beheld the light of the Two Trees (like Galadriel and all the Noldor did). They’ve been in Middle-earth the whole time. They’re still Elven through and through, but loved the world too much to be led away to the paradisiacal Undying Lands even the first time.

However much this show is setting itself apart from Peter Jackson, it sure seems like they’re taking the superhero-speed-of-Legolas approach with its Elves, or at least its protagonist Elves. Personally, I associate catching arrows with high-level D&D monks or martial arts films. But all right, why not here?

Then there’s Goldy Frocks here, who’s doing no such arrow-catching. Stargazing, yes.

Screenshot: Amazon Studios

This is apparently Gil-galad himself, High King and leader of the Elves of Lindon. Given that Gil-galad, tag-teaming with Elendil the Tall (Isildur’s father), will one day bring down Sauron in close combat (even while the Dark Lord is wearing his Ring!), he’s got to be formidable indeed. This show seems to be setting up Galadriel as the real mover and shaker, though, so we’ll see how or if Gil-galad comes into his own. He should be leading armies at some point, but so far we’re only seeing him stand around and look concerned. Or like maybe he shouldn’t have had that fish taco earlier in the day.

But now I need to talk about Finrod. I know people tend to have their favorite characters in The Lord of the Rings. I never have; I suck at picking favorites. But if we’re considering all of Tolkien’s books, to me there is no Elf cooler than Finrod Felagund, Hewer of Caves, Friend-of-Men. And since he’s apparently been cast (Will Fletcher) and for some reason shows up in this teaser, I’m a bit worried about what they’re doing with him.

Screenshot: Amazon Studios

First, he can only be in flashbacks, surely! He died in a very noble/metal fashion in the First Age, wrestling one of Sauron’s werewolves with his bare hands—in the famous Beren and Lúthien tale—after a long and storied career of just full-on making Middle-earth a better place. The Silmarillion treats us to the only bit of conversation he has with his little sis, Galadriel, but I think it’s fair to assume their connection will be an important one in The Rings of Power. If part of her drive is seeking vengeance against Sauron, I do hope they make that clear in a convincing way. The Silmarillion gives us nothing about her reaction to the deaths of all her brothers; but then, The Silmarillion is not written in a mode that would relay such emotional information to us.

In any case, I am hoping that the show’s creative team knows what it’s doing here. This shot seems to depict an anguished Finrod in the crash of battle between Elves and Orcs. Now, that would make sense if this scene is in the Fen of Serech, as part of the Dagor Bragollach (Battle of Sudden Flame), where Barahir, father of Beren, swoops in and saves him (though many lives of Elves and Men are lost). That would help set up the friendship between Finrod specifically and Barahir’s line, which will carry all the way through the thousands of years of Númenórean history and on through the surviving Dúnedain.

I also just have to say, I’m not wild about short-haired Elves. To be fair, that’s a personal choice, not a textual Tolkien mandate, though I feel it’s strongly implied throughout his writings that Elves had long or at least longish hair. (At least from the point of view of an Oxford professor in the early nineteenth century.)

So, Harfoots.

Screenshot: Amazon Studios

They’re the hobbit stand-ins for this show. They seems to have taken what Tolkien wrote in his “Concerning Hobbits” prologue—that Harfoots were one of the three “breeds” of hobbits established east of the Misty Mountains—and turned them into a tribe with its own varied breeds. I don’t quite understand it, but I’m willing to see where they go with that. I want these proto-hobbits to stay under the radar entirely, whatever they do. I daresay Elrond better not catch wind of them, or witness them doing anything heroic, or else Bilbo and Frodo will not seem so remarkable to him a few thousand years later.

But employing them as a kind of framing device isn’t a bad idea, or at least using them as point-of-view characters. Tolkien did this for much of The Lord of the Rings, where we watched the wider world unfold through the eyes of Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Merry. And they do tend to make friends easily; friends who end up drawing them into the story.

All right, next up we have Raft Man.

From Vanity Fair‘s first article on the topic, we’re told this storm-tossed chap is named Halbrand, “a new character who is a fugitive from his own past.” We see him connect with Galadriel, and so I expect we’ll be spending some time with them traveling together. We really know next to nothing about this guy, like what culture he’s part of—is he Númenórean or just a man from one of Eriador’s coastal lands?—but I do have a theory of my own. This is a shot in the dark, maybe.

See, I think that  early in the story we’re going to see very little of Sauron directly. The whole point is that he’s in hiding, far from ready to reveal himself, and with Galadriel searching for him. Now in The Silmarillion and even Appendix B, it’s established that Sauron is only unmasked when he forges the One Ring. But before he even kickstarts the Rings of Power project, he’s actually far away to the East, growing his power among Orcs and Men. If Amazon has the rights to, and uses, the name Annatar—which is the fair disguise that Sauron adopts so he can go among the Elves and manipulate them—then every book fan is going to see him coming a mile away. But what if Amazon wants to introduce us to Sauron much earlier without us realizing it’s him? It’s not until the sinking of Númenor that Sauron loses his Maiar ability to change his shape and assume fair forms. Up until that point, he’s all about dissembling. He was a shapechanger even in the Beren and Lúthien story.

I really don’t know what to make of Meteor Man here. This might be something entirely new, I suppose (which sure feels risky). All the theories I’ve heard sound far-fetched or just silly. The only meteorite in established Tolkien lore is mentioned early in The Silmarillion, and it’s from said space rock that Eöl, the Dark Elf, makes a pair of awesome swords. But a hairy naked dude hitching a ride on such a meteorite? That would be weird. Some are calling this one of the Istari (meh) or even the means by which Annatar shows up (eh). Neither of those feels right. Apparently the Harfoot girl we saw earlier is also here, reaching out a hand to this hairy fire-hobo. Who the heck knows?

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Screenshot: Amazon Studios

I was there, Gandalf. I was there, three thousand years ago, when the very first teaser for Peter Jackson’s films dropped. I lost a night of sleep out of sheer excitement. A whole new door was about to open up in pop culture. People who scarcely knew anything about the books were going to hear names like Éowyn and Sméagol and goddamned Gríma Wormtongue (!) projected loudly from big movie speakers right into their ears. Names devised half a century before by a professor of philology who was a fanboy of fairy tales. Names that a bunch of us already knew so well in the nerdy quiet spaces in our lives.

But now? The whole moviegoing, Super Bowl–watching world has known who Sauron is for a long time now. Hobbits, Elves, wizards—everybody already knows the basics. So this teaser for The Rings of Power merely serves to stir the pot and bring both familiarity and some new flavors to the top of the pop culture soup. Let’s wait and see how it tastes when it’s actually ready.

Jeff LaSala can’t stop making metaphors, nor leave Middle-earth well enough alone. He is responsible for The Silmarillion Primer, the Deep Delvings series, and a few other assorted articles. Tolkien nerdom aside, Jeff wrote a Scribe Award–nominated D&D novel, produced some cyberpunk stories, and works in production for Macmillan and Tor Books. He is sometimes on Twitter.

All Your Thoughts About Aragorn’s Beard Are Canonically Incorrect

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How much time have you spent thinking about which of J.R.R. Tolkien’s characters have beards? I don’t just mean the endless do-dwarven-women-have-beards debate. I mean thinking about Aragorn’s chin hairs. Considering the hairless faces of elves. That sort of thing.

Viggo Mortensen’s turn as Aragorn virtually guaranteed that for some people, Aragorn absolutely has a beard. But he didn’t. Tolkien confirmed this in the 1970s—in response to a fan letter that was written in Elvish.

As Alex Perry shared on Twitter, a letter her mother wrote to Tolkien in the 1970s is “cited regularly in Tolkien scholarship, due to him answering her question about whether Aragorn canonically has a beard or not (he does not).”

In a brief thread, Perry goes on to explain that their mother believed Tolkien replied to her letter because it was written in Elvish—sort of:

Perry’s mother, Patricia Finney, is also a writer herself, sometimes under the pen name P.F. Chisholm.

The question of beards has apparently been plaguing Tolkien fans in the wake of the trailer for Amazon’s The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power. Some are angry about the aforementioned beardless dwarf women. Some are still angry that Aragorn and Boromir had beards in Peter Jackson’s films. And someone did their homework, and wrote a thread on r/LOTR_on_Prime detailing what Tolkien actually said about beards.

One quote from this thread directly repeats what Tolkien told Perry’s mother about Aragorn’s beardless face: In The Nature of Middle-earth, Tolkien wrote: “Men normally had them when full-grown, hence Eomer, Theoden and all others named. But not Denethor, Boromir, Faramir, Aragorn, Isildur, or other Numenorean chieftans.”

Personally this leaves me unclear as to whether these men simply did not grow hair on their faces, or if it was a cultural thing to shave regularly, in which case I also have questions about how they kept up their grooming routines while the Fellowship was on the road. As long as no one takes it into their head to digitally erase Aragorn’s beard—thus subjecting us to a disconcerting face like Henry Cavill’s in Justice League—everything will be fine.

5 SFF Books About Not-So-Dark Lords

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As an English major a Catholic liberal arts school, I was required to take a semester-long class on John Milton, in which we read the entirety of Paradise Lost as well as its less well known sequel, Paradise Regained. Everyone knows the plot of Paradise Lost: Satan rebels in Heaven! He tempts Adam and Eve and thrusts humanity into sin! Drama! Fireworks! Fallen angels! Fewer people could tell you the plot of Paradise Regained, which is about Jesus being tempted in the desert. Unlike his more bombastic Infernal counterpart, the Miltonian Jesus is a prototypical modern hero: reserved, inwardly-focused, full of doubt. There’s something to be appreciated there, of course, but when it comes to Milton, people gravitate toward Satan for a reason. Which is that he’s cool as hell (pun intended).

I noticed a similar pattern with Dante’s Divine Comedy, another epic poem I studied extensively in undergrad. Everyone knows Inferno, in which sinners are punished relentlessly under the frozen eye of a massive, imprisoned Satan. They do not so much remember Paradiso, or, God help us, Purgatorio, which is the poetry equivalent of sitting in the DMV.

My point is that people like dark stuff. They like capital-e Evil (which should be noted is not the not the same as the far more destructive everyday evil we encounter in our own world). They like jagged, towering castles carved of black stone guarded by swooping, poison-clawed dragons. They like Darth Vader. They like Sauron. They like Hela in Thor: Ragnorak. The reason being that these characters all kick ass.

I too have a soft spot for a dark lord (or lady). But I find that they’re at their most interesting when they’re allowed to be the main character of their own narrative—when it turns out that they are not so dark, after all. Milton was arguably the first to do it, thus creating a long history of sympathizing with the devil. And so I am proud to present to you five books that feature not-so-dark lords—and the stories that make them interesting.

 

Dark Lord of Derkholm by Diana Wynne Jones

This one’s a classic in the field of not-so-dark-lord literature. Set in a high fantasy world, it features a group that leads tourists through a typical fantasy storyline, with wizard guides, various quests, and so on. Of course there has to be a dark lord, who is chosen more or less at random every year. The Wizard Derk has been given the dubious task of playing the Dark Lord in this go-around, and things start goimng badly from the start, after a dragon mistakes him for a real Dark Lord. It only gets worse from there, although his exploits do give us a delightful parody of the extruded fantasy product of the ‘70s and ‘80s.

 

The Sundering Duology by Jacqueline Carey

Jacqueline Carey is more well-known for her Kushiel’s Dart books, and while I do enjoy them, I always liked the Sundering a bit more. It takes the Lord of the Rings, files off the serial numbers, and then tells the story from the “dark” side’s perspective: after a war between the gods, Satoris (the not-so-dark lord in question, who, like other misunderstood dark lords we could name, offers a gift to humankind the other gods don’t approve of) flees to the mortal realms, where his key advisor has to deal with stopping a prophecy concerning Satoris’ downfall. It’s a twist on an old favorite, although of course the classifications of “dark” and “light” don’t mean quite as much as they do in the source material, and the familiar story becomes a beautifully-written tragedy, a meditation on the true evil of dividing the world into light and dark, good and not-so-good.

 

The Last Ringbearer by Kirill Eskov

This book does the same thing that the Sundering duology does, except it doesn’t even bother to file off the serial numbers. It will not surprise you to learn that the book hasn’t been officially published in the US (but it has been translated into English). Like the Sundering, it flips the script on Mordor, with Sauron being presented as a benevolent king keen on ushering in a technological revolution and Gondor being presented as…problematic. It’s all a surprising twist on a narrative we think we know, asking us to consider the concept of (fantasy) history being written by the victors. In this book, the Nazgul are scientists, the One Ring is jewelry, and the elves are racist. While I think the Sundering explores these themes with more eloquence, I could hardly write a list about not-so-dark lords and fail to include the Last Ringbearer.

 

To Reign in Hell by Steven Brust

In the first of our Paradise Lost-inspired books on the list, Steven Brust imagines the war between God and Satan as an epic fantasy, with not one but four not-so-dark lords, as he recasts the rulers of Hell from the Ars Goetia (Satan, Lucifer, Belial, and Leviathian) as rulers of the four principalities in Heaven. When Yahweh, who rules over them all, decides to rebuild Heaven, a process that will kill thousands of angels, Satan pushes back, raising ethical concerns,. And thus, a war ensues. Much like the fifth book on our list, To Reign in Hell flips our cultural expectations about who the “good guy” is supposed to be, giving us a dark lord we expect to be good—and a noble hero we expect to be evil.

 

His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman

Another Milton-inspired project, His Dark Materials offers a unique twist on this dark lord business. The dark lord in question is in fact a classic dark lord. He’s a cruel, petty tyrant. But here’s the twist—he’s God. The joy of subverting the dark lord trope is that it forces us to reckon with our own understanding of “good” and “evil.” All of the other books on this list do so by presenting the dark lord as a protagonist, and usually as a good guy to some degree. But His Dark Materials does this by taking the ultimate symbol of goodness—Western civilization’s Gandalf, if you will—and thrusts him into the role of the ultimate villain: the Dark Lord.

 

Cassandra Rose Clarke is the author of Star’s End, Our Lady of the Ice, and The Mad Scientist’s Daughter, as well as several novels for young adults. She holds an M.A. in creative writing from The University of Texas at Austin, and attended Clarion West in 2010. Her work has been nominated for the Philip K. Dick Award, the Romantic Times Reviewers Choice Award, and YALSA’s Best Fiction for Young Adults.


8 SFF Green Man Characters Ready for Springtime

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SILVER IN THE WOOD

The forest calls to us. It is at once breathtaking and mystical, yet foreboding and dangerous. We go “into the woods” and come out of it changed people. So it is any surprise that our ever-watchful guardian of the forest, a certain Green Man, crops up everywhere in artwork and fiction? They come with poetry, with history, with songs of old. Don’t forget that they’re waiting in the woods…

 

Tom Bombadil — The Lord of the Rings

The Ents count among Tolkien’s Green Man stand-ins as well, but old Tom Bombadil is certainly more… interesting. Left out of the LOTR films to the dismay of many fans, Bombadil doesn’t serve a plot purpose in Fellowship of the Ring, but he sure is fun to run into as interludes go. With his fancy lady of the river, Goldberry, and his odd yet powerful tunes, Bombadil gives the hobbits a place to nap after saving them in the Barrow-downs by frightening off a few nasty wights. With his home in the Old Forest, Bombadil remembers events on Middle-earth that no other living being can attest to—it would seem that he has always been there, and always will be. With abilities that no one quite understands, Tom stands apart from the rest of Middle-earth’s people, with Gandalf going so far as to say that the One Ring would hold no temptation for Bombadil… but he might simply misplace the darn thing.

 

Someshta — The Wheel of Time

This inspiration isn’t hard to suss out, as Someshta is also called “the Green Man.” A man-shaped plant person, Someshta is the last Nym, who heralds from the Age of Legends. His people were originally created for farming purposes, to sing songs to the crops that would help them to grow. Someshta himself can’t remember a great deal from the Age of Legends, with a wound in his head that has torn his memories, making it hard to even recognize people that he knows. Someshta is asked to guard the Eye of the World, not something that his kind was made for, but an important task that only he is available to do with the Aes Sedai and their male magical counterparts created it. By some people in his world, it is believed that Nyms never die so long as plants are growing.

 

Tobias Finch — Silver in the Wood

Silver in the Wood, Emily Tesh, small cover

Tobias doesn’t really remember a time before he lived in Greenhollow Wood. Or maybe he chooses not to? It’s hard to say. But he does seem to leave moss and leaves in his wake wherever he goes, and sometimes time itself seems to grow around him—and into him. And he’s never paid rent on his odd little cottage in the forest with the cat named Pearl. And his friends are dryads… In town, Tobias is known as the madman of the woods, and it is this fear that earns him a bullet wound to the leg. Luckily his curious and eager landlord—an odd young man named Henry Silver, who has a love of history and has taken quite a liking to Tobias—insists on seeing to his recovery. And if you guessed that this is where things start to go awry, well, you’d be entirely correct…

 

The Lorax — The Lorax

The Lorax, Dr. Seuss

A slightly more proactive Green Man is Dr. Seuss’s Lorax, who we all know “speaks for the trees”. Released in 1971 and openly influenced by Seuss’ anger at the dangers that corporate greed poses to nature, The Lorax has withstood the test of time because its message unfortunately continues to be relevant. Over 50 years later, it would seem that humanity has yet to fully internalize this tiny Green (orange) Man’s message, which goes much farther than simply educating on environmental issues by delving into the problem of personal responsibility for the planet and everything on it. As the Lorax says, “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not!”

 

Robin Hood — various folktales and myths

While Robin Hood has many varied origins in English folklore and festivals, he owes part of his conception to the Green Man of old. It makes sense that Robin would come to be associated and intertwined with the Green Man legend, as they have a great deal in common: both make their home in the forest; both cause an undue amount of trouble; there are even some versions of Robin Hood that never seem entirely human, more woodland sprite than dispossessed yeoman or noble. Sherwood Forest itself (the IRL place in the United Kingdom) has several Green Man depictions left in ode to Robin and his band of misfits, and the place they called home. While it’s fair to say that the legend of Robin Hood would endure without the influence of the Green Man, it’s hard to be certain as to whether our Merry Man—and the many versions and continuations of his stories—would exist in quite the same way without him.

 

Totoro — My Neighbor Totoro

A more benevolent version of a Green Man type, Totoro is called “keeper of the forest” by Mei and Satsuki’s father Tatsuo, and the label is entirely fitting for the rabbit-eared spirit. First seen by Mei, who falls asleep on top of him only to get woken up later by her sister in a briar clearing, Totoro appears when he’s needed and enjoys the wonders of nature, from the sound of raindrops on an umbrella to the rituals around planting nuts and seeds. It’s never entirely clear whether the magic that occurs around Totoro is really taking place, but the aid he gives to Mei and Satsuki while they both try to cope with the absence of their mother (who’s stuck in the hospital due to an illness) is nothing sort of nature’s divine intervention.

 

The Green Knight — Sir Gawain and the Green Knight

A puzzlement to scholars and literature enthusiasts the world over, the Green Knight of Arthurian legend (and a recent film adaptation) is a figure who defies labels of all sorts. One thing is true: He is called the Green Knight because his skin is literally green. For ages scholars have tried to work out the meaning behind his appearance, but some believe it is a relatively simple form of identification: the Green Knight is green because he is a version of the Green Man. The character of the Green Knight is unpredictable, jovial, and sometimes outright demonic—if that doesn’t sound like the embodiment of nature itself, then what could? There are also the vegetative symbols to consider: his beard is compared to a bush, and he has a penchant for carrying around a holly branch. Spoiler alert—he does eventually lose his head. Spoiler alert part two—he reattaches it, as simply as if grafting plants together.

 

Swamp Thing — DC Comics

The Saga of Swamp Thing cover, volume 1

Of all the murkier Green Man incarnations, Swamp Thing is the obvious winner, no matter who inhabits the vegetable matter of his overlarge biceps. But if we’re being honest, Alec Holland is probably the most relevant incarnation of the elemental, and his multiple deaths and resurrections certainly bear that out. Part of what’s enjoyable about Swamp Thing as a Green Man type is that he has true “plant powers” that he can use to manipulate natural surroundings, making him a god of nature in a more obvious and basic sense. He’s worked with all your DC Comics favorites, from the Green Lantern to Constantine, and it’s always a treat because he never cares about the same issues your average superhero needs to uphold. He’s there for the Green.

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Who’s your favorite SFF Green Man?

Originally published in May 2019.

Check Out Rarely Seen Paintings by Middle-earth Creator J.R.R. Tolkien

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The Art of the Hobbit cover

J.R.R. Tolkien didn’t only write about Middle-earth—he drew scenes from his fantastical world as well. His estate has recently made a slew of his paintings available for online viewing on their website, giving us additional detail into Tolkien’s imagination.

You can browse through the collection on the Tolkien Estate website. The collection is broken up into paintings, maps, and calligraphy, and has examples of Tolkien’s illustrative work across Middle-earth’s fictional landscape. Twelve of these works, according to the Estate, haven’t been available to the public before, including the author’s paintings of flowers and exotic birds, as well as a 1953 draft manuscript of The Homecoming of Beorhtnoth Beorhthelm’s Son. But you may recognize some of these illustrations from various editions of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy that have cropped up over the years.

None of this collection has been publicly presented in such an accessible way, and you can see Tolkien’s illustrations based on his written works—The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, The Silmarillion—as well as paintings he did for children and drawings inspired from real life, as well as other fantastical settings he created whole cloth.

Each image also comes with a description of what it entails and/or a backstory of Tolkien’s inspiration for the piece. Check them all out for yourself, at your leisure!


Dragon or Balrog: Who Would Win in the Ultimate Middle-earth Showdown?

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No question animates the mind of a young speculative fiction fan more than “Who would win?” It’s a question that provokes our firmest cultural loyalties in the lizard part of our brain that enjoys nothing more than smashing action figures together.

One cultural phenomenon that’s largely escaped “Who Would”-ism is the legendarium of J.R.R. Tolkien. Peter Jackson’s Hobbit trilogy gave us a few battles we didn’t know we wanted, and still don’t (Legolas vs. Bolg; Thranduil vs. The Scenery). Sure, there have been a few articles imagining Aragorn facing off against Jaime Lannister and the like, but they’re relatively rare compared to the heated “Captain America vs. Batman” or “Ninjas vs. Pirates” discussions that pop up regularly over pizza and pipe-weed.

There are a couple of reasons for this. First, Middle-earth has a certain literary cachet other pop cultural universes lack. Tolkien was a professor at Oxford, of course, and The Lord of the Rings is a foundational text of High Fantasy, and retains a lofty air. Second, the central characters of Tolkien’s most widely read books are the diminutive and good-natured hobbits, who are hard to press into the service of battling other heroes. There’s not much fun to be had in imagining Frodo Baggins locked in a fight to the death with a pre-Hogwarts Harry Potter (Frodo would win … and feel absolutely terrible about it).

Still, Middle-earth is rife with interesting match-ups and none more so than a battle between the last surviving Dark Powers of Fire in the Third Age: What if Smaug had sought the treasures of Moria rather than Erebor, and so woke Durin’s Bane? Who would win?

TO THE MYTHOPOEIC THUNDERDOME!

First, let’s introduce our contenders:

 

Balrogs and dragons both originated in the First Age as servants of Morgoth, the first and greatest Dark Lord. Of the Maiar spirits Morgoth seduced to his service, “Dreadful … were the Valaraukar, the scourges of fire that in Middle-earth were called the Balrogs, demons of terror.”

As Legolas later says of the Balrog in Moria, Balrogs are “of all elf-banes the most deadly, save the One who sits in the Dark Tower.” And indeed, in The Silmarillion, the Balrogs rank above all Morgoth’s servants, aside from Sauron himself. Their primary narrative purpose in The Silmarillion and The Lord of the Rings is to provide an appropriately noble and titanic death for the greatest heroes: Feanor, Fingon, Ecthelion, Glorfindel, and Gandalf the Grey all meet their ends in combat with these evils of the ancient world (one can’t help but wonder what would have happened had Glorfindel accompanied the Fellowship of the Ring as Elrond originally intended: would he have taken Gandalf’s place in fighting the Balrog on the Bridge of Khazad-dum and shouted “Not this shit again!” instead of “Fly, you fools!” as he tumbled into the abyss?)

The origins of dragons are murkier. Tolkien never tells us how they came to be, though in The Children of Húrin, the first dragon Glaurung, “spoke by the evil spirit that was in him.” It’s likely, then, that the first dragons were Maia spirits animating mortal bodies—like Wizards, but with scales and fire (think how much more effective Radagast would have been as an enormous, flaming horror reptile).

As in George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire, Tolkien’s dragons serve as weapons of mass destruction—and, in fact, in the earliest versions of Tolkien’s legendarium, the “dragons” that destroy the Elven city of Gondolin are war machines, not actual creatures. Tolkien eventually changed them to match the more familiar image of the dragon of Western folklore, though the dragons of Middle-earth are also highly intelligent, sardonic, and enjoy fucking with people. Glaurung sows destruction in The Silmarillion with both his fiery breath and his skill at mind-control and manipulation. He hypnotizes Túrin Turambar and his sister Nienor into committing incest and then suicide, which is a dick move even for a lizard from hell.

 

Now, how do they stack up?

The texts don’t provide much evidence for our battle. Dragons and Balrogs never face off in Middle-earth, though they are present together at a few battles during the First Age. When Glaurung first comes forth in the Battle of Sudden Flame, “in his train were Balrogs.” This suggests the Balrogs were subservient to Glaurung, or at least acting as his support.

More tellingly, in the War of Wrath that brings an end to Morgoth’s reign and the First Age, “the Balrogs were destroyed, save some few that fled and hid themselves in caverns inaccessible at the roots of the earth.” The release of the winged dragons—Smaug’s ancestors—however, was “so sudden and ruinous…that the host of the Valar were driven back.” Tolkien doesn’t provide the number of dragons or Balrogs here, so we can’t know how much the sheer quantity of Balrogs and dragons played a part. Still, the dragons proved more effective in battle.

Then there’s Gandalf the Grey, who managed to kill a Balrog single-handed, but decided to manipulate some Dwarves and one very reluctant hobbit into dealing with Smaug. Granted, Gandalf didn’t set out to face a Balrog, and he died in the process (…he got better), but it’s telling that he didn’t even try to take down Smaug by himself. Of course, the Gandalf the Grey in The Hobbit is, in many ways, a different character from the Gandalf the Grey in The Lord of the Rings—as different, really, as he is from Gandalf the White. In The Hobbit, he’s a different, less powerful incarnation of the same being.

So we’re left to our overexcited imaginations to imagine how this fight would play out. And thank Eru for that—it’s far more fun:

So, the first thing any self-respecting wyrm is going to do is unleash his fiery breath—but this wouldn’t phase a scourge of fire like a Balrog.

 

Balrogs have a few weapons available to them: flaming swords, whips of many thongs, and magic. A flaming sword probably isn’t much good against a dragon, and spells don’t seem to work well on them either: the Elves of Nargothrond surely had magic to spare, but that didn’t stop Glaurung from turning their fortress-home into his own personal Scrooge McDuck-style money vault.

That leaves the Balrog with his whip of many thongs, which he could use to hogtie Smaug. Except that Smaug’s “teeth are swords, my claws spears”, and could cut through the thongs. Even if the Balrog’s whips are impervious to dragon teeth and claws, Smaug can quickly flap his wings and fly out of range.

Now, I know what you’re going to say: but Balrogs have wings! Sure, they have wings. But so do ostriches, and you don’t see them flocking high in the skies over Africa. Even if Balrogs can fly—and nothing Tolkien ever wrote indicates that they can—then they clearly suck at it. Of the few Balrogs we know about, two fell into chasms—Durin’s Bane and the one defeated by Glorfindel. That is not a promising record for winged demons of terror.

So Smaug can keep a healthy distance from his demonic opponent, but that doesn’t help him win. More importantly, flight leaves Smaug vulnerable. It exposes the small bare patch on his underbelly—his only weakness. Balrogs are great warriors, and even if they fly about as well as dead penguins, they can probably hurl a flaming sword with pinpoint accuracy.

Smaug stays on the ground. The dragon’s flames and the Balrog’s weapons are useless. We’re down to grappling, with the great wyrm and the demon of terror locked in a desperate, deathly, fiery embrace.

But wait! Smaug has one last weapon: his eyes. We don’t know if Smaug could freeze people and mind-control them as well as his forebear Glaurung, but just glimpsing Smaug’s eye made Bilbo want “to rush out and reveal himself and tell all the truth to Smaug. In fact he was in grievous danger of coming under the dragon-spell.”

Theoretically, then, up close or at a distance, Smaug’s eyes can put Durin’s Bane under the dragon-spell. But then, would the dragon-spell work against a demon of terror?

Dragons and Balrogs are both, in origin, Maia spirits. Smaug isn’t Maiar, but his power is equivalent. And we know the power of one Maia can affect other Maiar. After all, Sauron’s Ring is a terrible temptation to both Gandalf and Saruman. And in the Chamber of Mazarbul, Gandalf and Durin’s Bane exchange spells and counterspells that the wizard says, “nearly broke me.”

So, one glimpse into Smaug’s eyes and the Balrog falls under the spell. Even if it’s just for a second—a moment of hesitation or distraction, it’d be enough. Smaug would snatch up Durin’s Bane and gobble him up with his sword-sharp teeth (and we know swords can kill Balrogs).

There you have it. Who would win in a battle between Smaug and Durin’s Bane? The winner is the wyrm. And we can imagine Smaug curled up comfortably on a bed of mithril deep in Khazad-dûm, triumphant, stronger than ever. And probably a little gassy.

This article was originally published in May 2017.

Austin Gilkeson formerly served as The Toast‘s Tolkien Correspondent, and his writing has also appeared at Catapult and Cast of Wonders. He lives outside Chicago with his wife and son.

Five Unlikely SFF Friendships

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The SFF genre has no shortage of stock friendships and familiar pairings. They can be magical and memorable: Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Frodo and Sam. Locke and Jean. There’s a certain wonder that comes with fantastic friendships in fiction, where like-minded companions support each other through good times and bad.

But there are also plenty of deep, intriguing friendships that stem from unlikely meetings and unexpected bonds, when authors explore the kind of connections that can sometimes take us by surprise. These groupings result in some of the genre’s most unique and touching stories, showing us how genuine camaraderie can spring up between unexpected allies in completely unforeseen circumstances.

Tee up Randy Newman’s “You’ve Got A Friend In Me” and enjoy these five unlikely SFF friendships…

 

Geralt & Jaskier: The Witcher

What a pair. In any other series, you might find a jovial bard aghast at the horrific actions of his stoic, sword-wielding counterpart. In Andrzej Sapkowski’s Witcher saga, the script flips. Geralt saunters into town to find his debaucherous bard friend engaged in dubious behavior (often involving young maidens or married women).

But there’s an extra layer of whimsy to this bromance: Jaskier provides the single clearest window into Geralt’s lingering humanity. In a world where Witchers are viewed as emotionless killers, Jaskier shows us the exact opposite. When Jaskier latches onto Geralt, gallivanting into treacherous encounters with reckless abandon, there’s a certain ease to their interactions. For Geralt, Jaskier’s presence can be uplifting, as though the Witcher craves human connection even when society has told him he should be unrelentingly grim and solitary. That acceptance feeds into the overarching themes of The Witcher saga, in which the monsters Geralt hunts are almost never as evil as the people who hire him to dispose of the beasts.

Jaskier and Geralt began their peculiar friendship by being thrown together by circumstance…at first. But readers soon learn to expect and anticipate Jaskier’s appearance in myriad Witcher stories. The charming odd couple may be the best pairing of the entire series because we see Geralt at his best when he’s with the famed bard. He lets his hair down and even utters a few exhales that could be interpreted as guffaws in Witcher-speak. Together, Geralt and Jaskier represent one of fantasy’s most delightful pairings.

 

Vin & TenSoon: Mistborn Era One

Vin punched the daylight out of a hound, and the rest was history. Brandon Sanderson has a knack for writing unlikely relationships, but this one takes the cake. Vin’s tumultuous friendship with TenSoon draws out a treasure trove of juicy storytelling and lore. It fills out the worldbuilding of the initial Mistborn trilogy by giving us a glimpse into the culture of the Kandra.

TenSoon’s relationship with Vin is fraught for many spoilerific reasons, which I’ll avoid here. But the broad strokes are painted with questions of trust and faith. What begins as a relationship of necessity soon evolves into a special, but tenuous, friendship unparalleled in the SFF genre.

My favorite facet of the Vin-TenSoon dynamic is the power struggle between them. Understandably skeptical of TenSoon, Vin will often launch into Allomancy-fueled flights over Luthadel in pursuit of her many investigations and goals. TenSoon, powerful in his own right, struggles to keep up with her in his hound form. Their growth as a pair, then, stems from an ongoing exercise in earning the other’s trust. The more TenSoon learns about Vin’s objectives, the better he can keep up. The more he keeps on her toes, the more she respects him. They grow together. And although plenty of wrenches will be thrown into the gears of their relationship, it’s fun to watch straight through the epic conclusion of The Hero of Ages.

 

Exorcist & Demon: Prosper’s Demon / Inside Man

Prosper’s Demon packs a 100-page hellish punch. Over its short page count, K.J. Parker’s novella introduces us to a nameless protagonist who takes a sick pride in his job, though it brings him no joy: The exorcist removes demons from possessed humans, often damaging both beings in the process.

It’s all macabre fun, but the coup de grâce comes in the form of the eponymous Prosper’s possessing force. Prosper is a magnate, an artist—an early influencer, if you will. His work is respected, lauded, desired by the populace. And it’s all the product of the demon possessing him. When the exorcist discovers the demon, a playful back and forth ensues. To call this a friendship might be a stretch, admittedly. If anything, it’s a witty acquaintanceship sparked by begrudging respect.

This SFF friendship serves as a vehicle for discussions about morality and fate. Does the exorcist remove Prosper’s demon, putting the man (and the demon) at risk, alongside the art and cultural work they perform together? This question and this tenuous mutual respect is the core of Prosper’s Demon, and the relationship alone is reason enough to give the novella your attention.

 

Dex & Robot: A Psalm for the Wild-Built / A Prayer for the Crown-Shy

Here’s an SFF friendship that flares and flashes like a beacon of hope in a confusing world. Dex has a corporate job on the human side of Panga, a world in which robots gained sentience and left for the wilds. Humanity was left with a lack of technology, eventually learning to live without robotic aid. Having grown tired of their current existence, Dex abandons the corporate world and purchases a tea wagon, traveling from one town to another to listen to the woes of humans and offer them a calming presence.

But Dex grows bored yet again. They venture out into the Wild and encounter a friendly robot eager to soak up the vast knowledge made readily available by surrounding nature. Dex and the robot strike a fast friendship and begin to bridge the gap left when robots withdrew from humanity.

A hefty chunk of Becky Chambers’ novella is spent exploring Dex’s friendship with the robot, and the pair offer a great window into themes of acceptance, repentance, and loving oneself.

 

Merry, Pippin, and Treebeard: The Lord of the Rings

Alongside the tried-and-true Frodo and Samwise pairing (featuring companions who’ve grown up devoted to each other), we have the hilarious trio, formed on the fly, of Treebeard, Merry, and Pippin. Lost in the Fangorn forest, the two easygoing halflings stumble across Treebeard and almost immediately begin forging a humorous and unexpected friendship.

Despite the unlikely pairing, this triad eventually feels so natural it should be considered a staple of SFF friendships. Hobbits are a carefree bunch, all things considered. Merry and Pippin are content to enjoy their meals, smoke leaf, and live a restful life. But by an Ent’s standards, Hobbits are living life in the fast lane. Ents prefer the slow growth of the trees to the speedy endeavors of shorter-lived races.

This unlikely grouping actually decides the fate of the world, in a way. Had Aragorn or Gimli met Treebeard first, they may have grown impatient with the slow deliberations of the Entmoot. Merry and Pippin, though they have some urgency, respectfully allow the Ents to take their time, eventually resulting in the aid of Treebeard and company in the attack on Isengard. In the case of The Lord of the Rings, an unlikely friendship helps tip the balance in a world-changing conflict.

 

Originally published December 2021.

Cole Rush writes words. A lot of them. For the most part, you can find those words at The Quill To Live or on Twitter @ColeRush1. He voraciously reads epic fantasy and science-fiction, seeking out stories of gargantuan proportions and devouring them with a bookwormish fervor. His favorite books are: The Divine Cities Series by Robert Jackson Bennett, The Long Way To A Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers, and The House In The Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune.

On Tolkien, Translation, Linguistics, and the Languages of Middle-earth

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Since I started this column in 2019, I’ve been avoiding one famous—possibly even the most famous—example of using linguistics in SFF literature: the work of J.R.R. Tolkien. It’s not because I don’t like Lord of the Rings—quite the opposite, in fact. It’s just such an obvious topic, and one which people have devoted decades of scholarship to exploring. Hell, my Old English prof has published academic scholarship on the topic, in addition to teaching a Maymester class on the languages of Middle-earth. But I suppose it’s time to dedicate a column to the book that first made me think language was cool and to the man who wrote it.

Tolkien was born in 1892 in Bloemfontein, modern South Africa. His father died when he was 3, and his mother died when he was 12. He was given to the care of a priest and attended King Edward’s School, where he learned Latin and Old English, which was called Anglo-Saxon back then. When he went to Oxford, he ended up majoring in English literature, and his first job post-WW1 was researching the etymology of words of Germanic origin that started with W for the Oxford English Dictionary. This sounds both fascinating and utterly tedious, given the obvious lack of digitization at the time and thus the necessity to read and annotate print books to find and confirm sources.

Tolkien’s academic career began around the same time, and he worked on reference materials for Germanic languages (a vocabulary of Middle English and translations of various medieval poetry) before being named Rawlinson and Bosworth Professor of Anglo-Saxon at Oxford. Diana Wynne Jones attended his lectures and found them appalling because she thought that “Tolkien made quite a cynical effort to get rid of us so he could go home and finish writing The Lord of the Rings.” (Does the timeline match publication history? No, probably not, but this is what Wynne Jones remembered 50 years later.)

He was academically interested in the history of language: how words and grammar changed over time. He was focussed on English, but by necessity he had to know about other Germanic languages (German, Norwegian, etc.) in order to pursue etymological studies. This interest in dead languages carried with it an interest in translation, taking a poem from a long-gone society and bringing it to the modern reader (see my column on Maria Dahvana Headley’s Beowulf translation for more info on that).

As a youth, Tolkien encountered invented languages first from his cousins, then moved on to making up his own a little later. He also learned Esperanto before 1909. If you put his academic interest in language history together with his nerdy interest in invented languages, you can see how he decided to invent an Elvish language and give it a history. And then develop distinct branches of that language and give them their own histories. And then come up with people (well, Elves) who spoke the languages and give them a history.

Tolkien set up the entire history of Middle-earth as a frame story, one based in the premise that he was publishing his own translations of ancient texts that he’d found. The frame is entirely unnecessary (and unless you read the appendices and prologue, you probably don’t know it exists), but the man was a giant nerd about language and translation, so it was completely obviously the thing he needed to do in order to tell this tale. Logically.

The prologue of LOTR, “Concerning Hobbits,” tells us that The Hobbit is a translation of a section of the Red Book of Westmarch, which itself started from Bilbo’s memoirs of his journey with the dwarves. The book, bound in plain red leather, has gone through multiple titles by the time Frodo adds his memoirs and passes it on to Sam:

My Diary. My Unexpected Journey. There and Back Again. And What Happened After.

Adventures of Five Hobbits. The Tale of the Great Ring, compiled by Bilbo Baggins from his own observations and the accounts of his friends. What we did in the War of the Ring.

Here Bilbo’s hand ended and Frodo had written:

The Downfall

of the

Lord of the Rings

and the

Return of the King

(as seen by the Little People; being the memoirs of Bilbo and Frodo of the Shire, supplemented by the accounts of their friends and the learning of the Wise.)

Together with extracts from Books of Lore translated by Bilbo in Rivendell.

Then the Appendices are all about the history of Gondor and the Elves, and transliteration notes and a discussion similar to what you’d find in the translator’s notes or introduction of a text, where they justify the various decisions they made, especially controversial ones. He had an idea, and he committed to it. That’s dedication.

Tolkien’s academic interest in Germanic languages, especially Old English, is most obvious in the Rohirrim. In the frame narrative, the language of the Rohirrim is unrelated to the language of Gondor (but is related to the Hobbits’ language, as noted when Théoden—or maybe it was Éomer—remarks that he can sort of understand Merry and Pippin’s conversation). Tolkien, as the translator of the RBoW for an English-speaking audience and as an Anglo-Saxon scholar, decided to use Old English to represent it. So the king is Théoden, which is an OE word for “king or leader,” from théod (“people”), and Éowyn is a compound word that means approximately “horse-joy.” The name they give themselves, Eorlings, contains the same eo(h)- “horse” root as Éowyn. Tolkien gives this as “the Men of the Riddermark.” Eorl is also the name of one of their early kings, much like the legendary Jutes who led the invasion of Britain in the 5th century were called Hengist and Horsa, both of which are words for horse (heng(e)st = stallion).

Let me tell you, when I was learning Old English, there were so many vocab words that immediately made me think of Tolkien and say appreciatively, “Oh, I see what you did there, old man. You nerd.” Because he used Old English to represent Rohirric, the songs of the Rohirrim in the text are in alliterative verse (again, see my column on Beowulf):

Out of DOUBT, out of DARK, to the DAY’S rising

I came SINGING in the SUN, SWORD unsheathing

To HOPE’S end I rode and to HEART’S breaking

Now for WRATH, now for RUIN and a RED nightfall!

The language of the Hobbits is a descendant of a Mannish language from the upper Anduin, which is related to that of the Rohirrim. The origin of the word Hobbit, which they call themselves, is “forgotten” but seems “to be a worn-down form of a word preserved more fully in Rohan: holbytla ‘hole builder’.” But later in the same Appendix F, he writes that hobbit “is an invention,” because the common tongue used banakil ‘halfling,’ and he based it on the word kuduk, used by the people in Bree and the Shire. This word, he writes, is probably a “worn-down form of kûd-dûkan,” which he translated as holbytla, as previously explained, and then derived hobbit as a worn-down form that would exist “if that name had occurred in our own ancient language.”

Tolkien used linguistics in an entirely different way than I’ve talked about in this column before. Rather than content himself with making up a few words here and there or doing just enough to give everything a veneer of truthiness, he constructed a whole-ass language (more than one!) and pretended that he was translating a book written in that language into modern English. When I was a wee baby writer (so, like, high school), I, too, wanted to create a similarly huge setting and a bunch of languages and so on. I eventually decided I didn’t want to put in that kind of immense effort but my interest in languages endured, and through a long, circuitous route I ended up getting an MA in (Germanic) linguistics while writing SF. And here we are!

So, what was your first exposure to Tolkien? Did you also try to learn the dwarvish runes and Tengwar? Did you make it farther than I did and actually learn them? Discuss in the comments!

CD Covington has masters degrees in German and Linguistics, likes science fiction and roller derby, and misses having a cat. She is a graduate of Viable Paradise 17 and has published short stories in anthologies, most recently the story “Debridement” in Survivor, edited by Mary Anne Mohanraj and J.J. Pionke. You can find her current project, a book on practical linguistics for writers, on Patreon.

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